2009

January

Started the year with the girls and tons of drama. Heather and BJ, Annaika and May getting into violent fights. I was angry and bitter. Chinese New Year at home with the family. Living in the library with Asis. Spent more time with TVSA and getting off Academic Probation. Andrew Sanchez came to visit SLO. Late night bonfires at Avila during the week. Cheesecake Factory appetizer dinner with the Limun twins.

February

Late TVSA Chinese New Year dinner and spent time with my adopted Big Tiffany. Constant all nighters every week plus weekend adventures. Road trip with Tiffany and everyone to La Jolla during Valentine's Day weekend. Spent it with Morris Thai and we made french toast with fresh strawberries. :) The week after, Santa Barbara to visit Karen with our long weeks on the beach (literally). Going out on a rainy night with Tower 3 and all of us getting plastered. Late night visits from Tony and Derek in my room. Pretty much was gone every weekend that month. I liked it :)

March

Ended Winter quarter off AP. No sleep at all during dead week. Having a 1.5 week spring break. Reuniting with Santa Clara at Amanda's house and causing trouble like always. Late nights at Karen's house with Andy and Tracey. Crepe date at Tartini with JD, Joffer and Robbie. Lunch dates with Michael and Stanley. HS reunion at Park Merced in SF. Passsssssssing out that night with my favorite people. May's dinner at Hooters.

April

ATV accident in Pismo with my brothers. Almost fractured my elbow. Asis' 19th birthday. Polycultural Weekend and meet the coolest kids ever. BRITNEY SPEARS CONCERT. Ralph came to SLO to visit me for a day. Joined TVSA board. Making thai tea and selling it at Open House. Open House after party. Partied every weekend.

May

Bimmerfest in Santa Barbara. Drove to LA for some korean bbq. Shopped around Westwood. Lantern Fest. Lantern Fest after party. Pint night at Woodstocks with my B's. Other B jumping on trash cans and biting me. Brought my car to SLO. ISA Spring Banquet. TC and Derrruck flipped my room. Going to the Hue with Cousin John and Lena.

June

Tony's end of year dinner. Doing what Business kids do best = party during finals week. Tony Le threw up on me. End of Spring quarter. Driving home by myself for the first time. SCHS '09 graduation with the girls. Flying to SoCal with Trang for Lena's graduation. Recreation Leader at the Teen Center. Partying on week nights with work. Dana's big party for being sworn in as a DA. Drunk times in DTSJ with the cousins. Jiwon and Jina's birthday party with Cupertino. Jimmy's birthday dinner. Kim Hibbs' house party and the SCHS '06 reunion. Hanging out that one night at greaterest's with best friend and Karen til 4am sitting around doing nothing. Hiking in Cupertino. Getting the flu for 2 weeks. Got in a fight with Tim and he had a chair over my head about to beat my ass. Angry at life.

July

Still had the flu and angry at life. Adventures in San Mateo with Rheanna & Brian. SS'09 started. This | | close to having alcohol poisoning. Dying for 2 hours. 4th of July with SS'09. Annaika's house-sitting bbq to BJ's house to Aly's to BJ's to SC track to Justin's house to Brian's house to I honestly don't remember. Cuddling with GB. "Morning after" lunches at Sushi O Sushi with Brian. Lena's surprise birthday dinner. Late nights with Mayba and Yuekai at The Grind. Jessica's home dinner. Finally met Ronald Lim. Random adventure to Berkeley for an Alpha Sig party. Getting lost in Emeryville and Oakland. Couldn't sleep at night. Cluck's with #JD and swings. "Are you happy? With you!" Mom made a deposit on our new place. Finally watched Saw IV with RG. Someone texted me to check up on me. Got into Prison Break. Late night calls to sleep. Swimming and hot tubbing with SS'09. Showering with GB and Rheanna. Geisha nights. Best massages of my life. Girls night + Sushi + some of the boys + lots of King's Cup + getting Laila drunk because Butch is gone + 150 pictures. Ralph's extravaganza. Dinner at Gordon Biersch. Pregaming the pregame. Britney in Ralph's car with Sam and Karen. Photo shoot. The start of something good. Buzzed laser tagging. Adventure in SF from Ocean Beach with gays to Castro St with more gays. Kidnapping 16 year olds and getting him plastered. Late night hang outs til 5am doing aboslutely nothing. First time clubbing at Fuze. GB and I finishing a bottle of jager on our own. Matt Nathanson at Music in the Park with the girls. Chugging wine did us dirty. @jgleit killed @killaklarenz.

August

Not so angry and drunk anymore :) More late night hang outs til 5am doing absolutely nothing. Partying at Park Merced Round 2. Introducing dumb and dumber to SC :) SC to Fremont to SF to Fremont to SC by 4am. Teen Center job ended. Matthew's 2nd birthday. "She's my girlfriend." 10. 2 Day trip to SLO with Tracy. Partying with randoms and Albert and crashing at his friend's house. Drunk guys wrestling. Officially moving out of Forbes. Random bbq with SK, Mayba and everyone. Connect four at Red Mango. Scrabble at PB.

September

More late nights :) Nonstop Smallville marathon. Seestars dinner at Macaroni Grill. Went back to Abercrombie for 2 weeks. Weekend in SLO with Clarenz. Moved into my apartment. Spent my last few days at home with Clarenz. Block Party! Back to Sexy House parties. Fall quarter started. The beginning of long distance. 19th birthday. Roomies surprised me at midnight. My bigs tried to surprise me with cake, candles, and flowers but dropped the cake on my front door :( Driving back and forth from SLO to the Bay like 5 imes.

October

Ultra Man shirt making, TEAM YELLOW! Margarita night at B's. Ultra Man at Pismo Beach. Got so fucked up I couldn't make it to my own party. Failed at going shot for shot with Asis. Birthday dinner at Claim Jumper with seestars and their boyfriends. Picked my little for TVSA. Culturefest. Baking with baked B. Movie night with Tammy. Last minute trip home to take care of SwineBoy<3

November

INO run with the gang. BP and then some with B and Albert. Hiked Bishop's Peak. Cooking with the roomies. Clarenz's surprise package. TVSA Revealing. Thanks-for-giving Banquet. Extended Thanksgiving break. Finally seeing Devin. Landon's 1 month and reuniting with my babies. Thanks for TNF boyfriend!

December

Nonstop studying all day every day. TVSA Secret Santa dinner. Asis was my SS and he got my Doug season 1! Doug party and INO run with Albert and B. End of Fall quarter. Lots and lots of shopping with my love. random hang outs with Clarenz & Fitz. Back at Abercrombie. December birthdays' dinner. Marsh Road, Super Walmart. Clarenz's 19th Birthday. Burgers and oysters. Worked Christmas Eve and spent the night watching Landon with Mom. Christmas lunch with Mom and Tuan. Christmas night with Clarenz, Charity, Jarrel, Nino, and Kim playing Catch Phrase. More oysters and had a board game day with Fitz, Maricris, Ben, JG, Charity, Jarrel and Matthew. Lots of watching Landon. Late Christmas dinner with my seestars. Clarenz and I took one another out, kinda :) Spending NYE with my favorites!

This Christmas I just wanna feel something.

December 14, 2008 - This is a long one.

It's been 1 year, 4 days since I've been with this blog. I was with Xanga since middle school and my most active one since 2004 and I thought it was time for something else. I should have been strong enough to stick with one but I felt that I was at a stage in my life where things were going different directions. Lots of thanks goes to the person that knows me the most at Cal Poly, Alex Asis for encouraging me to make a BlogSpot.

For the first time in years, I tried to blog everything that was on my mind and this has been my biggest success. When Clarenz and I first started talking frequently again (after many years that is..), he asked if I liked to write because I blog a lot. That was the first time anyone has ever asked me that and for some reason, the question caught me by surprise. Throughout my education, I've never quite been the best writer and had a hard time putting my thoughts into words. When I began blogging here, I was still having a difficult time knowing what to write about and constantly wanted to perfect it. But as time progressed, I just started posting from my phone every time something was on my mind and expressing what was on my mind go easier.

On to more important things, I figured it'd be nice to update myself and the less than a handful of people that read this of how much my life has changed since I started blogging here..

My family went through a lot when I left for college and during this time last year. I used to live with my mom, Tuan and Tim. At that time, Tim and I were on the rocks here and there, Tuan and Tim weren't on speaking terms for over a year, and my mom started having a gambling problem thanks to Tim's drama. I've never publicly told people about it til now. When my dad left the 4 of us when I was in 4th grade, we still lived in the house with low income, section 8, assistance. Shortly after I left, he decided to move to Vietnam with his mistress of 14 years and my 1 year old sister. This meant that my family had to move out of the infamous Forbes house soon. It was the hardest time of my life thus far, I was constantly calling Lena in tears about not knowing what to do, furious, lost, and just wanting to leave SLO. It was so hard to hold myself together, I kept telling myself that none of this would have gotten out of control if I didn't leave. Every single day, I was gambling with transferring to San Jose State. My heart broke more and more every day to the point where I was sick for about 75% of Fall quarter. When I was home, I was always out partying and drunk every other night because I couldn't bare how depressed it was at home.

Today, I'm still attending Cal Poly and my family problems are always going to be there. We officially left Forbes in August, Tuan moved out in May to live with his pregnant girlfriend, and Tim moved to SD to live with his friends. My mom and I? We're living in a tiny little room we rented out of some strangers house my mom found in the Vietnamese ads. The only time I'm in this room is when I'm here to sleep for a few hours or else I'm working, out, or at Clarenz's. My relationship with Tim went downhill and I try to avoid talking to him as much as I can. I miss my brothers and I being the 3 T's more than ever. At least my mom doesn't have her gambling problem anymore. I'm no longer the girl in the green house on Forbes anymore (One Tree Hill, BDavis reference)

All of the family problems made me lose pretty much all focus in school which led to a horrible start to my college career. I had withdrew from a class in the Fall and was on Academic Probation for Winter quarter because of my 1.8 GPA. I lived in the library almost every day for a quarter and a half trying to crawl out of the hole I dug myself. Some days, I'd be so stressed I couldn't even get out of bed to go to class. I worked so hard every single day and barely earned Cs. All the all-nighters were not paying off at all, I kept asking myself why I couldn't get the hang of it. It's not like I party or anything when I was in SLO. Every night, I fell asleep worried, tossing and turning. I even quoted Kid Cudi last year.

This past quarter, I worked my butt off as always but I wasn't as hard on myself this time around even though I needed to raise my GPA in order to rush for Delta Sigma Pi. All the hard work paid off and I was understanding everything I was doing, I managed to raise my cumulative GPA from a 2.3 to a 2.6. I GOT MY FIRST 3.0+ EVER IN COLLEGE. It was my goal since I was on AP and it took me 3 quarters but I got it. :) I'm eligible to rush for Delta Sig, the professional business fraternity now. dafighkladgoadg I'm so happy inside about it, I keep telling myself I did it. I told myself I couldn't spoil myself with anything until I earn it and I finally did it! Too bad I don't have money to spoil myself, that's a different story.

In addition to all of that, I was still struggling to get over an ugly break up. Two weeks before my high school graduation, I was cheated on (I don't give a fuck if he said we were nothing, he's a damn liar) and still went to prom with the damn bastard. I even wanted to be his friend and everything and we thought we were okay. Nonetheless, he deceived me for my money and my compassion. For some reason, I always blamed myself for everything and as Trang would say, all the bad outweighed the good. How the hell could I be broken for so long over someone that would do all that to me? On the day I participated in Every 15 Minutes, he broke my thousand dollar deck in my car, poured water all over my leather seats, trashed my car, and slammed my door against the car next to it. The next day, he told me he missed me like nothing happened. When I confronted him, he told me it was because I pissed him off, I forgave him and lied to my family about what happened. I was damn stupid. I was broken over someone that did that to me because I thought the good outweighed the bad, it didn't. I thought he was a good person inside.

This past summer, I got back in contact with one of my old friends I'd known since we were in middle school even though we went to different schools. We used to talk a lot back then and I had a crush on him sometime at the beginning of high school, hah. I've been with Clarenz for a little over 4 months now, I know it's not that long but it seems so much longer since we've known each other for a while. For the first time, I'm being taken care of and I don't always have to be the one that takes fault for everything. I don't know exactly what it is and where this is going but I know that I'm happy and things are good even if it's long distance.

That's pretty much the main gist of everything that this blog had he endure this past year. I'd like to say that I've made some great progress with my life :) Looking back, things aren't so bad after all. I feel a bit better inside now.

I don't know who would really read all of that but if any of you did, you're crazy. If you did, thank you :) Treat yourself to some smiles and laughs by watching 50 First Dates again. If you haven't watched it at all, you're missing out on life.

Optimist Award

Jgleit and I got this award during our senior year of high school.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not the most optimistic person out there and for me to receive such an awards is ridiculous. It was definitely an honor for Mr. Shelby to think that I (we) deserved it but it's not very me. With that aside, I've been spending the past year of my life trying to be more optimistic and slowly let go of my pessimism. Nonetheless, I often characterize myself as a realist knowing how too much optimism and pessimism can be harmful. When it comes down to it, I don't take things easy when I'm doubted by my peers. As someone who lacks self-confidence at times, being doubted doesn't help. I mean I have a bad temper I'm trying to work on and a mouth full of profanity but I'm really not that bad of a person.

Have some faith in me.

Not-so-happy December

It's annoying stupid of a start I've given myself to start off this month. At one point, I thought I got better at this but I really need to learn how to control my anger/frustration. I'm still having a tough time moving my fingers.

This is my second fall quarter "dead week" at Cal Poly and it's the second time that a student has passed away. Oh the things that college does to us..

RIP Carson Starsky & Charles Tamae

We honestly haven't had one single recent conversation this week, how annoying. I think I ask for too much.

I think I'm having a dark day.

Today's one of those days where I feel so overwhelmed, fed up, annoyed, unappreciated, and fhjlfdhdydf.

I've been ignoring my mom's calls cause I don't like telling her I don't have money to lend her. It sucks even more knowing that I should have given her the money earlier or put it aside instead of helping and spoiling people, giving so much to others.

At the same time, I still don't think I'm enough. Yet, I know for a fact that I've given and invested a lot.

Apparently the fact that I'm here isn't good enough. THAT hurts. I'm either doing something wrong or not doing something.

Happy December

9 days til 4, 10 days til I'm home, 18 days til Clarenz' 20th Birthday, 25 days til Christmas

I feel stupid for feeling this way but every time this happens, I'm afraid that it's going to turn out the way it did before. That it isn't just a little fight that it might be the last straw like last time.

I feel stupid for carrying around this worried feeling I'm gonna be replaced by something "better" again, I wish I knew why I'm constantly worried about stupid little girls from the past. Okay more like the recent ones..especially since they're nice and pretty and more affectionate. -_-

I'm trying really hard to not be insecure but it's hard knowing that there've been so many before. Let alone, not long before me. I know I'm talking nonsense but dakfbgadg fuck.

On another topic, why the hell do I feel like those annoying ass people that constantly bitch about how lonely they are when they're the one pushing people away? In this case, I'm pretty much referring to how I'm more and more discouraged of the holiday season this year. I have every reason to be happy thanks to the awesome people in my life but I feel a huge empty piece inside that I'd like back.

PMS is never my excuse but is it a coincidence that I'm getting it soon? -_- I sound like such a fucking girl right now.

I'm okay, shut the fuck up and suck it up Tammy.

Truth is

I'm not looking forward to the holiday season this year

"He used you

for sex and money."

I'm gonna be a little bitch and whine now. I wish I was working during my week off so I don't have so much free time to be angry. I want my $300+ back, thank you very much ASI. My temper is getting worse again, gotta start working out again during dead/finals week.

RAGC90

Sometimes, I wish I had a real father and got to grow up with a father that didn't abuse my mom or rip our lives apart.

Then I think about it, look at the life we have now, our struggle, and I wouldn't have it any other way. When June 2012 (or so) comes around, I know that these past few years will be worth it.

Remember when I cried at Karen's cotillion about all this? HAHAHA

I totally just felt sad and hurt for about 2 minutes and got over it, I don't give a fuck. It's not worth the pain anymore.

For some reason, I don't feel comfortable posting any of these things on tumblr. I know it's open to the public the same way but I don't know..

"Welcome to the real world", she said to me

John Mayer - No Such Thing

I love this song.

I'm 19 years old. I wouldn't say that my life is that hard. My life is different from other peoples. But I'm not that self-centered to say that no one will ever understand the life that I've lived. I mean, if someone wanted to they would try that hard and I believe that they could almost come close. I would never tell someone to talk in my shoes or shut the fuck up because would you really want someone to feel the pain that you've endured? Cmon guys, have a heart.

There's one thing though, I still haven't learned how to tackle my insecurities. Maybe that's why I'm so OCD, worried, stressed, and afraid all the time. I'm insecure about everything, I need to learn how to work on that. It took me years to be able to look at people in the eye, Thanks Shawn Metra. It also took me like four years to even gain some self-confidence/esteem and it's still a work in the progress to this day. Thanks Ralph, thanks for never going anywhere. (I wonder if you still have the poster..)

Tumblr/txnguyen

Now I'm where I wanna be, come co-pilot with me

The Dream - Walkin' On the Moon

I like this song. Then again I like all the songs I post about..

Two days into the week and I can already feel that it's going to be a good week. Yesterday, I decided to skip Managerial and sleep in. Before I went back to sleep, I texted one of my group mates to ask if we got our midterms back. I've been so anxious since last Wednesday to find out my grade since I stayed up til 5am to study so it was AWESOMEEEEE when I found out that I got a 90% on it. :) Especially since I got a D on the first midterm. Today, I was late for my IS class so I didn't go and to just go over the stuff we went in class from my apt. Checked my grade and found out that I got an 83% on my midterm. Not bad considering I didn't really study but I was bummed since I got a 95% on the first. Whatever, doing pretty well this quarter and I've never been happier about it.

Not the mention, today is OUR three. It's not really big deal but whatever, I've technically never "officially" been in a relationship for a full month. Hah, it's weird and complicated but whatever things are good and we're happy and that's all that matters. And I know that I just used "and" too many times in the sentence but I don't care. Hiii person-with-the-same-initials-as-Cal-Poly! I know you like it when I directly address you in my posts. I hope you like your surprise and the shoes :)

This weekend is Big/Little revealing then Thanks-for-giving Banquet and I'm soooo EXCITED! I think I feel this way because it was this time last year that I joined TVSA. I hecka joined last minute and everything and still got an awesomeeee big who I'm pretty close with now. :) Looking back, I've gone such a long way the past year and met such good people through this club. I'll save that little speech for later but I'm still excited! I feel bad that both of Asis' littles are bailing on him but it's okay, my family will adopt him!

HI ASIS! KICK SOME LINEAR ASS!

8 DAYS TIL THANKSGIVING BREAK :D

I feel

exhausted

stressed

pressured

tired

busy

anxiety

pain

irritated

sad

guilty

stupid

lazy

useless

broken

overwhelmed

yet at the same time

accomplished of today's hike since it forced to take deep breaths and I haven't been able to the past few weeks.

Worst feeling ever

What do I keep doing wrong? I'm so tired of messing my only sure thing up.

Maybe it is time for me to change the way I've lived my life if I want anything to work out.

Sent via BlackBerry

Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance

Those who went to high school with me or has ever been in my integra most likely knew that this is one of my favorite songs ever. Then again, it was my ring tone 75% of the time throughout high school. I don't know how I've forgotten about it these past few months but Angelina's friendly reminder made me smile. :) This song always makes me happy, right next to BS - Sometimes. I still remember when Ralph and I sat around forevererererererer trying to decide which should be my Homecoming song. Too bad we couldn't hear it when I was walking down the carpet. :( Oh well. I wish I didn't have to say that this song was playing in the background when adhfgkadfg and I first kissed. Whatever, I love this song.

PostSecret makes me happy also.

So do you.

Aside from the nonstop midterms, assignments, and studying

I'm pretty fucking happy.

Stolen from Alex Asis

Too bad he thinks that I hate his cooking because I GOT FULL.

I'm missing parts, now that you've told me everything

Saosin - Voices

I wish I knew why I'm so fascinated by organization, computers, and simplicity. Then again, the combination of those three might as well be a straight up oxymoron. We all also know that I pretend to be a nerd at heart. If only I was, it'd be too awesome. Then again, Jarrel considers mine and Clarenz's MBP Parties as us "bonding" as a couple, hah.

As hard as it may be living 200 miles away from home, my mom, Tuan, and my boyfriend, this place is beginning to be my concrete home. If I could I would kidnap them and have them here with me whenever I wanted. Too bad the world doesn't work that way. Does that make me selfish? For some reason when I'm here, I still feel like a kid, or well a college student and all that. But at home, I feel like I'm a grown ass adult takin' care of business everyday. I'm not necessarily complaining about my life, just analyzing how I live a different life at each place.

Knocked Up was on E! today. They've been talking about that shit all over tv and radio.

Alison: You're a sweet guy, right?

Ben: I think I am. Yeah.

Alison: Don't fuck me over, okay?

Ben: I wouldn't do that. I'm-- Just so you know, I'm the guy girls fuck over. I'm that guy. So you don't fuck me over. Okay?

Alison: Okay.

HI #JD! HI RG!

OH YEAH. There's some gnarly winds out right now, feels like a fucking tornado! :(

And now I walk around without care

Justin Sexiest-Man-Alive Timberlake - Lovedstoned

Every time I want to blog, I go through my iTunes on shuffle until I find a song I feel like listening to. Usually, iTunes likes me and gives me a song that I blog to. Today, that didn't happen but I love JT so I don't give a fuck. :)

These past few days, I've wanting to blog so much but all this damn studying is getting in the way. One midterm down, another exam tomorrow and I'll be done for the week. This weekend is tea making, Hot Librarian & Nerd Party, CultureFest, and homework!

Is it just me or is everywhere I'm reading, there always seems to be something about feminism or how women are so freaking "independent" or whatever? Okay, I just realized I sound like a total guy saying it but reallllly dude? Yes, we know women shouldn't need men to take care of them and make them happy and whatnot but is all this constant preaching really necessary? Just be whatever, you don't need to announce to the world what you are. I mean, if you do then doesn't that mean you need it to be said to know that you are? I'm so fucked up but I honestly don't get it. In contrast, what about everyone and their moms being a princess and deserve all the damn spoiling? MY BAD! Fine, I'm the only girl with a bunch of older brothers and I'm spoiled rotten. But why do you need to expect others to look at at as if you're hellllla independent or deserve to be spoiled cause you're a "princess"? I really don't get it. Can someone explain that to me please? Thank you :)

SLOlife has been busy. TVSA, CSA, & ISA keep me so busy on top of 16 units. Oh well, it'll be worth it. I made fried rice a week or two ago. I told AAsis I'd keep my word and I did and he ate it and didn't die.

I'm so weird, I'm gonna shut up now. Back to studying!

And I've always lived like this keeping a comfortable, distance

and up until now I had sworn to myself to that I was content

Paramore - The Only Exception

It was worth putting the rest of the lyrics.

I hate the fact that I always have to plan out how I want to update. I wish I wasn't so damn OCD and could just get on here, type whatever that's on my mind and click "Publish Post". Instead, I have to go back and forth making sure I said everything I had to say and that every little detail is accurate.

Dear Tammy,

You're such a retard.

Love,
Tammy

Anyhow, I'm more than ecstatic to go home tomorrow. Then again, my bitchy ass self has only been gone barely 2 weeks. I lovelovelove this place but fuck, SLO keeps me sooo busy now. I'm not gonna lie, I like being so occupied but when it comes to midterms seasons, I'm fucked.

Then again, it's college. I'm supposed to go through all this suffering and hate my life. I gotta do AAA proud and live it up with him and everyone else this year.

If I know us, we will.

All I know you make me feel like six million dollars, star tonight

Tamia Ft. Talib Kweli - Officially Missing You

Asis has usually been the one the has kept me on my feet with blogging. I thought I was getting better but I slacked off again. I've been so preoccupied with things here and there that I started to neglect this thing again. I need to be do a better job. Oh well, at least my last few weeks of summer were spent well. :)

Everyone already knows where I'm going with this update. It's 1:20am, on a school night and I'm still up NOT doing my assignment. Fall Quarter/2009-2010 at Cal Poly has officially begun! Asis and I used to always have the longest conversations of how epic our 2nd year would be living in Poly Canyon; it's finally here! It's only right if I make this a lame update about every little aspect of my life since it's been that long, hah.

I have awesome roommates. :) Too bad I've been so busy with going back and forth between home and here, TVSA, classes, and breathing that I've barely spent a solid 30 minutes hanging out with them. I love the location of my apartment even though it is far from everything else. It's so much more quiet and we don't have to deal with the plaza fuss. Canyon Circle Parking Structure is literally across from our apartment. Oh yeah, our apartment is on the first floor so it's easy access when we get groceries and whatnot. :) DID I MENTION THAT THIS IS MY FIRST PRIVATE ROOM EVER?! YUP! It's actually pretty lonely because I've never had my own room before but I'm slowly getting used to sleeping in a room by myself. How did I manage to forget how mellow SLO was and what it was like to have a stable place to come home to at night.

Of courseee it's awesome to see the homies again. Hah, I said homies. Pretty much got reunited with the TVSA crew/siblings, Asis, Dumb & Dumber (Tony & Derek), drunk homie, and everyone. I just haven't had the chance to REALLY hang out with my big or Tiff yet. :( For some reason, life in SLO always seems like such a (pleasant) routine. Class, breaks, hanging out, doing nothing, and great company. I have a horrible tendency to always express how much I love this town and that Home is such a burden to me. But at the end of the day, my heart is always gonna be at Home. I love the friends that I'm still friends with today, post- high school. All of us have changed and (hopefully) grown as a person yet nothing is going to convince me that if it's unlikely that I'm still going to be friends with these people in a few years. Nothing can prevent me from firmly believing in effort and perseverance. I miss #JG, #JD, RG, JG, and AN every day.

I'm struggling more than ever adjusting to being in my first "long distance" relationship (not to mention my second actual relationship). If anyone knows me and my "philosophy" of life and everything in between, I don't believe in long distance relationships. I have this pessimistic perspective that is always going to question and have doubts for everything. While going over the introduction of Sociology today, my professor explained how we need to think like a peanut head. Yeah, peanut head? WTF?! He meant peanut head in a sense that we have to question everything we are told and everything we think we know. How do we know what we know? How do our peers know what they know? He basically told us that he used to not believe in certain ideals and when he did, he questioned himself why he was ever against it. You can say it made me realize that I never had the right to discourage peoples' decisions to be in a long distance relationship. Scientific research has proven that long distance relationships are bound to fail. (Courtesy of Psychology class last Spring.) But just because other people have failed in these relationships doesn't quite mean that my relationship is going to fail. I have strong opinions and strive to prove peoples' doubts wrong. For all I know, science and the odds are all against me but too-fucking-bad cause it's not stopping me. Clarenz Posadas<3

PS. I miss you, creep!

So maybe this update really did end up being about me missing people and babbling like always.

This time, this place, misused, mistakes, too long, too late

Nickelback - Far Away

Not as emo as I seem. Just a friendly babble.

JD and I went to the gym today and decided we fail at life. Instead, we went to one of the few places that calms my nerves to do my favorite thing ever! Stupid us, we got light headed within 10 minutes because we like our phones too much.

Today was a good day. I wasted gas as always, didn't wake up irritated or anything, got some Passion Green Tea, got to see Ms. A and Keneman, picked up Lance from SC, dropped Charity off at Fremont, watched the boy sleep, and SWING! :) Didn't worry too much about anything, just got by another day with little worries.

Then I realized why I have a blogspot instead of tumblr. I miss Xanga but I guess I wanted to be "cool" or whatever because I'm gay like that. Tumblr intimidates me in the way that people go far enough to "like" other peoples' posts and repost them or whatever. I'm not that creative and nifty, I just babble my little head away all the time. And I don't mind of people don't sit around and read this. It's not like I care if they do or not, it's just for JD to know I'm alive! In conclusion. HI BLOGSPOT! YOU'RE COOL. I'm so weird.

AASIS HAS BEEN MIA FROM MY LIFE FOR THE PAST 2+ MONTHS. NOT COOL.

Really though, swings have a way of calming down like there's not a worry in the world. I'm sorry I've neglected you this summer. We only hung out 3 times this summer as oppose to the at least once a week, I fail. Please forgive me.

One of these days, Tuan literally going to kill me for always scaring him about being pregnant when I'm really just craving everything in the world to eat. I blame JD. Speaking of, Brian leaves for Florida on Monday night which means that him and I need to go on our sushi lunch date before he's gone!

I wish I should make a list of things that make me happy for when I 'm not-so-happy to remind me to be happy.

What makes me happy? Swings, JD, showers (haha), passion fruit green tea, jasmine green tea, hugs, "the little boy" (as Charity would say..)

I know what I'm doing, don't question it

For once, I've figured it out. It took me forever and few weeks plus another dramatic day.

I've been so bitter about it all this time. Not once did I try to look at it in a better perspective. Sometimes, we need to fall in order to rise above ourselves. For the past 8 years, we were waiting for the day to come and it finally did when we least expected it. It kicked our ass. If anything, it still is right now. Never will I admit this but starting over is really the only thing we have left to do. In order to get over this, I seriously need to swallow my pride completely and look at it in a new perspective.

I'm always good at making the best of what I have, I wish I knew what happened. I can't believe I ever let the things Tim said get to me. That's when you know things are all bad.

Like everyone else, I took for granted the fact that I had a real home and now I barely know what it is. Aside from that, I always took my best friend for granted expecting that he'd always be there to sit with me while I'm crying without saying a word. Everything got to me so much, I couldn't even stick around to my mom without breaking down so I didn't. Now, I barely get to see her at all.

For as long as I could remember, I've always depended on certain people in my life to "make things better" for me. When I left, I told myself I'd take better care of myself so they wouldn't have to. I thought I was doing a better job. But during that same time, trusting people became a huge issue for me. I finally started getting tired of it trying. I was tired of the broken promises. Tired of getting my hopes up. Tired of constantly setting myself up for disappointment. It got to the point where I realized that I was the only one trying. And then I just didn't give a fuck anymore. They'll be back when they need me/something, they always do. Now, I'm having such a hard time completely letting my guard down and all it's doing is kicking my ass.

The best part of this is that everyday is a new day consisting of a new goal.

My goal today is to convince you how I feel and that I do know what I'm doing.

Sent via BlackBerry

ANYDAY

Give me pieces, give me things to stay awake

The All-American Rejects - Dance Inside

Heard this song for the first time in months a few days ago. It was nice hearing it again. I used to hella listen to the album and when it would get to this song, I'd listen to it another 34583490 times. Hah. Thanks for putting it on the cd for me, Clarenz.

Guess it's only right for me to to make sure I make a mark of today. The last official day of living at 2530 Forbes Ave. The only address I've ever known for myself. Funny of me to say that considering it's my last day and I've been in that house for less than 12 hours today. Tracey is joining me in driving to SLO tonight to move some of my stuff down there along with Albert's mattress. I've missed the beauty and simplicity of that town. It'll be nice to be back there for a bit. I miss my Big too. She's coming back from Thailand today, YAY!

Last night, as I was dropping off the last few boxes of my belongings at different places, I just didn't know how to feel anymore. I wasn't mad. Maybe sad. But more lost and confused. Denial? Most likely. It's gonna take a bit of time but I'll be fine in no time, don't YOU worry. Isn't it convenient how I'm going to SLO this weekend too? I wasn't sure if I planned it this way intentionally but it seems like I'm running away from the reality. Too bad I'm not. Throughout the past year, I've tried with every muscle in my body to learn to be independent and fix myself when I'm down. Before, it was basically always Ralph having to be my best friend and listening to me bitch and cry all the fucking time. (Thanks RG!) I'm not pushing people away, I'm just taking care of myself. It isn't as bad as it sounds, if anything it's pretty refreshing.

Speaking of refreshing, #JD and I have been back at the gym and it's the BEST FEELING EVER. My back doesn't ache nor crack as much anymore. I love the feeling of accomplishment after leaving the gym. (With exception of our McD's rampage night.) I sleep sooooooooo well. I had so much discipline last Fall to work out and everything, going like 5-6 times/week. Gotta get back on that. Thanks #JD :)

Shits getting REAL. I'm okay, I promise. <3

Wowowowowowowow

Nope, I'm not threaten at all. ..about that -_- I suddenly feel like I have everything to worry about.

Too good to not repost

Thanks AAsis!

Treat 'em like they don't stand a chance

Cobra Starship - Good Girls Go Bad

I feel like I only update this thing like twice a month. Pretty sure I need to more often to maintain my sanity, ha. Past few times I've come around, I've been pretty damn angry.

Clarenz told me that I'm mad like everyday and I need to not let it get to me anymore. All these things are literally driving me daghadoifgdfg. At least I'm not sitting around crying about it anymore? The things I'd give to have the 3 T's back. ANYTHING. Fuck the pride, fuck the remorse, fuck the regrets. Too bad the damage has been done and there's not much we could do about it anymore but deal.

Really though, I think I'm more sad than mad. I need to learn how to deal with all this better. Going to the gym again has helped a bit, I just need to be more consistent with it. Most people already know but I've been packing away my life since I've left for SLO. It wasn't until yesterday that I officially moved some of my stuff out of the house and into my mom's place she's staying at for a while. As I was driving to the house, I couldn't tell if I was angry at my dad, Tim and everyone for letting it come down to this or if it was because this is really happening. Guess you can say, I'm still confused on how to deal with this. I'm not the type to throw everything away and start over. I like to try to fix it and say I've given it my all. iodafhgiodg I don't know, I really don't.

I just miss my family.
And my best friend and our random ass errands of doing whatever. I'm not going anywhere.
Pretty sure I miss everything but whatever, gotta suck it up.

This isn't the end of the world. Just need to get through the day and I'll be okay.

I wish I didn't give a fuck, but YOU already know I doooooooo.

<3

There are many many things to be said and right now, I'm just figuring out how to say it in a civilized way.

Because one day someone will come along and things will work out. They won't only be my friend when they're fucking single or when they need something from me. Or in certain cases, a fucking idiotic creep.

Wow, you've preached disappointment towards me all these months and years. And in the end, you're the same as me except I never said such immature things to you. Whatever, if I can't handle you at your worst than I don't deserve you at your best, MY ASS. You're so full of shit and a shitty friend.

Multimedia message

Don't tell anyone this but my heart still hurts.

Sent via BlackBerry

Just another day then I had the best day of my life

Jesse McCartney - Best Day of My Life


Screen shot of Tim's AIM status.
Thursday, June 11, 2009, my brother Tim will be moving out of our home in Santa Clara and into his house in SD with Alex and the boys. Reading that really breaks tears to my eyes. These past few years, I've been so bitter with the way he's been acting about everything and despised him for his actions, words, and remorse and it wasn't until these past few months that I've understood where he's coming from. I need to do this for the two of us. I need to keep going with Cal Poly and get my degree for the two of us. All we have left is the two of us. It's finals week. I can't break down now. Gotta get my act together.

Saturday, June 27, 2009 will be my other brother Tuan's engagement dinner with his girlfriend. If there was one thing I wanted, it would be for Tim to be there with support. I know he never will give in to that though. I with I knew what to do. Something I could do but there's no chance he'll be there and there's nothing I could do about it. Please don't go and tell me there is something I could do and that I'm being all pessimistic and shit because there isn't. If there was, I would have done it already.

I want to go back to the days of the 3 T's. The wonder years. One day.. hopefully by the time of my CP c/o '12 graduation. (If I graduate in time that is..)

Baby won't you come and take this pain away

Diddy - Last Night

Hahahah, I put the randomest songs ever. I promise it's allll iTunes' shuffle. Maybe I'll babble about the song a little, yeah? Yes? Okay! Do you really need someone to take your pain away? Can't you do it yourself? I know I've been bitter and all but this is all out of my attempts of being realistic. Cmon guys, it's called independence. Blah blah blah. I don't know whatever. I like hearing this song on shuffle. :) ANYHOW! That wasn't even the effin reason I wanted to blog.

I wanted to blog because it is finals week, dun dun DUN. Why do I sound so optimistic and jittery? I think I'm losing it, it might be true. Whatever, I did pretty decent on my Psych final and I'm happy about that. Too bad that's one of my smallest worries. I'm soooooo fucked for Micro, oh well. Gotta get studying after this post. Shit, I need to start packing too.

Ever since I came here, I think I've grown a great level of independence-ish. Kindof. Not so much in the level of like negative, you know? More like being able to take care of myself and take problems on head-on. Most of the time that is. I thought I said I was a work in progress? Still progressing and will be forever and ever and ever. I really hope that people know that I'm not as pessimistic and a broken wreck as I often make it seem. I'm not that bad. Just trying to get by day by day and pursuit my goals and dreams.

Don't tell anyone this, but I'm a bit sad to leave SLO. It's my sanctuary from the ridiculous things going on at home.

Ew, thanks for effin up the quality BlogSpot :(

Now you'll never see what you've done to me

The All-American Rejects - Gives You Hell

Okay. "Real talk". I've never been through this much all at once in my life. But the thing is that, I've been doing a pretty decent job at hiding it as much as I can. For once, the unknown is scaring the living hell out of me. I've totally reached my all time low. I don't even know how to answer anyone's questions anymore.


You wanna know what I just realized? At this same time, exactly one year ago.. I cried my eyes out every single day. Wake up, cry, go to school, cry, come home, cry til I fall asleep, wake up cry til I asleep again, wake up do it all over again. It was also the best time of my life because that's when I found "my real friends". I don't like that I found them when I was at such a low point in my life. It sounds pathetic. Let's scratch that.. I found the funnest people to graduate with. The people that I will look back 10 years from now and giggle the way I did sitting with them that week of graduation practice. I'm not sure what I'm saying or what I'm trying to get at. One year later, I am broken into pieces and it's not about HIM. That should should be an accomplishment, yeah? Shit, what the hell. We all know I take every chance I get to NOT be broken over a boy. It's okay, we all make mistakes.

Is it sad that if I had the choice, I'd relive that week from last year to just make these weeks ago away? Yeah, it's that bad. But I keep acting like it's that bad. Maybe I'm numb. Maybe last year is the reason I don't know how to be this broken this time around.

I bet you're thinking that I'm talking about a boy though, huh? Just keep asking yourself how well you know me.

The thing is though.. I'm not that bitter?

I'm such a fucking babbler. I got off on weird ass tangents. Why do people let me blog? Geeez.

On sleepless roads the sleepless goes

Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me

Laying in bed on my phone with my ipod trying to sleep early for once. There's this itch that has been bothering me so much lately.

Who do you think you are to judge my lifestyle and my struggles? So I have horrible spending tendencies, "waste money" and at the same time my family is going through a ridiculous financial/housing struggle. I don't need you to compare me to your ways. You have far from any right to have any opinion to my life.

You don't know or understand what I've been through, how I feel, or what I've seen to get where I am today. I could careless about your background because regardless of how much you try to put it on me, you haven't literally been in my shoes. Even if you have been through worse, it still gives you absolutely NO RIGHT to anything towards me.

My apologizes BlogSpot for yet another bitter post, you don't deserve it.

You give me feelings that I adore

Colbie Caillat - Bubbly

It's been 11 months. Almost a year and I'm still not okay. I've tried to be okay, I've been okay but I'm never OKAY. This time a year ago was the hardest and happiest month. It's unfortunate it ended so miserably. I'd say bitter sweet but it was more bitter. Then again, I get to say that at one point in time, I was happy.

Does this song remind you of me?
No.

I wish it didn't now. I'm such an idiot and I'll never forgive myself for that.

Little darling the smiles returning to the faces

The Beatles - Here Comes the Sun

I'm ashamed of myself for being so behind lately. Good thing I've added some random ones here and there from the mobile. There are 5 weeks left in this quarter and I'll be done with my first year of college. Boy does time fly. Spring quarter has done me extremely well! That makes me more than happy. TVSA has kept me on my toes and brought me close to a great group of people. Speaking of.. I would like to introduce you to the Thai-Vietnamese Student Association's 2009/2010 Board (+plus Christine :P)


Goodness, I love fighting and bickering with this people. We act like siblings, get drunk together, and everything in between. It's our differences that bring us closer together :) General meeting today, fuck. I need to do some type of website mock to show them, uh oh!

OH YEAH! I'm alive, wooooo!

I've never been this happy this year :)

I'm in love with this place and where I'm going with things.

Polycultural Weekend has been amazing :) At this moment I'm on the midnight Amtrak bus to go back to SJ for the Britney concert. Life is amazing. I'm saying this whole hearted :)

I toss and turn, I keep stressing my mind

Kid Cudi - Day 'N Nite

It's April. A new month. A new quarter. And as some may put it, a new start. The last notable time I had a new entry was the beginning of last quarter when I informed everyone about my status of Academic Probation. I am proud to say that I raised a 1.2 GPA to 2.1 cumulative and no longer on Academic Probation :) I SURVIVED THE HARDEST QUARTER I'VE HAD YET! I'm happy happy about it. It was a crazy roller coaster and things are only going to get worse.

When I think about it, last quarter was ridiculous because I made it ridiculous. There are many things I could have done to prevent it but I didn't. Everything is a learning experience though, right? RIGHT. So for this new quarter, I'm proud to say that I think I'm going to be okay. I'm going to MAKE it okay. No more tossin' and turnin' at night for me. Honestly though, I went to bed every night worried and freaking out. For one of the seven papers I wrote last quarter, I wrote about how sleep works and was told that in order to get a good night's sleep, one should go to bed with little worries and a clear mind. All the stress made me toss and turn at night. The constant worries for the 7am classes and the papers I had to write. It was a terrifying but learning experience.

I've told myself and others this many times but I've never been able to listen to myself. I'm a firm believer that a good portion of the time, people live the life they want. Does that remind anyone of The Wedding Date? "Everyone has the love life they want." Why my explanation, though? Because through the toughest times and whatnot, it's our own choice of how to cope with it. Whether it be avoiding the situation or facing it head on. In the end, it's MY decision. So why did I choose such horrible ways to deal with it? You live and you learn..

I hate sounding so preacher-ish. Sometimes I'm pretty sure I'm saying these things because it's my way of telling myself things in my head. And maybe saying it "outloud" on here helps? Anyhow, it's a new quarter and I'm going to relax and chill these time around. Get my shit done but do it in a more subtle manner so I don't kill myself. Take it easy because stressing only deprives of more sleep :(

My fingers are crossed and I have high hopes. It should count for something, yeah?

I'll be your goal for high expect the best cause you're nothin' like the rest

Colby O'Donis - Sophisticated Bad Girl

Okay, it's time for me to blog! Sorry AAsis, I've disappointed you. :( Anyhow, I think I know where to start. So, I came home on Wednesday and have been doing nothing ever since. Actually, I had a Rec Leader interview yesterday but it didn't go the way I wanted it to go.

I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be. It kills me that it didn't because I knew I would love this job. Jon Kawada asked me why I would be the best for the position, why me instead of everyone else. I knew this question was going to come, I practically anticipated it. I ended up answering around it and not simply getting to the point because at that moment, I had no idea. My head has been everything lately that I didn't know why I was fit for the job I've wanted for so long. I went home and cooked lunch and whatnot for my siblings and thought about it nonstop. At last, I finally knew my answer.

I should be a Recreation Leader because I know for a fact that I'm better than some of the other applicants and Rec Leaders. Why? Because for some of them, it's just an easy job and looks good on their resume. I want to be a rec leader because I know the job will be more difficult than I think. It's going to change my life. I know that at the end of the day, I am going to be so exhausted that I don't want to do anything else. I know that I'm going to have to work long days and deal with a bunch of bullshit. But I'm okay with it. I'm okay with going crazy and whatnot because I know that it's worth it to me. Because being a rec leader is going to bring back the feeling I had when I was in leadership. Some days, I hated the teacher, the people, the tasks, the stress, and everything inbetween and I could have quit at any moment but I never did. I lived for the stress and complications for the end result of what each person got out of it. I will never give up on being involved. Even though I've obviously gone hiatus on it since college started.

But what does this have to do with a summer day camp job? It has EVERYTHING to do with it. When I was a part of leadership, I did it so people would love our school. Maybe appreciate it. Maybe enjoy it more. The list goes on. It goes the same for day camp, I want these kids to have a good time and to be happy. Although their parents might be busy with work and can't look after them, they have something to do. After writing my paper about consumerism and working families, this is JUST what I want and would love to do to prevent it. I want to prevent kids from feeling neglected and look to other means of fun. I want them to know that they have somewhere to turn to. That someone cares, that compassion DOES still exist in our soceity.


I don't know how or when I became so inspirational-like. Or well, try to. I just want to contribute to the world.

I hope blogspot mobile works for me. I want spring break, NOW.

Ahhhhh there's no song!

Anyways, I'm alive guys. This quarter has been tough and crazy but I'm finally at a state where I'm carefree.

This my best efforts of blogging because I fail! I have to write a paper I haven't started that's due at 11am for my conference with my professor. Good job, Tammy. Whateverrr.

6th? 7th? all nighter in the past three weeks? Hahahaaaa

Okay so i'm not sure if this is going to work but i'm mobile posting on my way to Santa Barbara. :)

I'm spendin' my money I'm out of control Somebody help me

Flo Rida - Right Round

This song has been stuck in my head since the day we were at Nathan's house like two weeks ago. I like it. I don't know why but I do. Maybe cause it's catchy. Even though the line I have here is sooo true :)

So here I am in beautiful La Jolla where the weather is far from sunny and warm but it's still that cold and I'm glad it isn't raining. I'm okay with this though and this vacation is definitely relaxing. We left around 4pm yesterday and finally got here at 1030pm after dropping people off at UCLA, Westminster, and UCSD campus. Boi offered, okay not so much I invited myself to stay at his place for the weekend where we get to spend lots of quality time together and do nothing. He's playing Warcraft 3 with his friends right now. Yeah, I know I'm in SD and everything and should be spending time at the beach having a bonfire, going to see the cliffs that EVERYONE goes to and posts on their FaceBook, and hitting up the parties. For me, I'm really enjoying doing absolutely nothing and just chilllllllllin. These guys don't party much but I honestly don't mind at all because somewhere along the way, I am having a great time here. Boi and I are making a bunch of like food this weekend and whatnot. It should be fun. I had Asian food today, it was amazing. Makes me miss my mama. I did go shopping today too. Didn't get too much just a few things here and there. Wasn't able to find any rain boots though. Sad.

The whole resting thing is all I want to do this year. I think I need it. I stress too much. Actually, I make myself stress too much. I wish I knew why. Stressing is preventable but I don't give myself that chance. Whatever, I'm good. :)

And so I'm sailing through the sea to an island where we'll meet

Jason Mraz Ft. Colbie Caillat - Lucky

There are so many things I always plan to blog about. When I'm on my way back from class, on my way to class, sitting around, in the shower, all the time. I even plan it out to the exact words I want to say. As you can tell, I never follow through on it. The words sound so right in my head but once I sit down and begin to type, all I can see is an empty text box. I need to try harder to get all of my thoughts out somewhere.

I've got to hand it to Apple, I love Genius on iTunes. Especially when I'm tired of listening to the same playlist and want to hear something different. My favorite is when songs I used to listen to all the time come on, it's like a pleasant surprise. For instance, the song that I just added on here today. I swear it has no real meeting or relation to me. I love Jason Mraz and songs like these that randomly just stick out to me when I listen to them are great. Plus, it's cute :)

I babble. I love it.

This might be the reason why I'm blogging right now. In fact, it's the purpose of this blogspot in general. I know I'm not alone when I say this but who doesn't hate the question "What do you want to be when you grow up"? Needless to say, I'm at that age where this question shapes my future and everyone feels as if they need to know their answer or else they can't move on with their lives. Anyways, I don't know where I'm going with this. Actually, I do know, I know exactly where I'm going.

There are so many career goals I want in my life. Is it wrong for me to want to do/try so many things? In elementary school when our teacher would do a spotlight student of the week, I had always said that I wanted to be a teacher. I never knew why. But by the time I reached middle school, I thought that was the worst idea I've ever had. I'm pretty sure it's because when I would tell people that when I was younger they would tell me how little pay was and whatnot. When middle school rolled around, I started to get into web/graphic designing. The language spoke to me and I understood it so well, I was good at it. I believed so until my freshmen year when I realized I lacked creativity. No, I know I lack creativity because that light bulb never went off for me. I had the skill to do all of it but I realized that I wouldn't be able to ever enjoy designing if I was forced to come up with ideas. Eventually, Leadership came around and I knew I was in love.

I was in love with being involved, the lack of sleep, and everything that had to do with it. I dedicated all my time in the world to it. I could hardly think of how many conferences I've gone to. Everyone knew how much I was into Leadership dispite all my bitching. It was MY thing whether or not I was good at it. As crazy as it drove me, the thought of quitting NEVER went through my head. That's where Business came for me, they were almost similar. I wanted to do something where I could be around people and something about Business was appealing to me. (I didn't realized Business was known as the major of the undecided until this past summer.) Because of Youth Commission and being around Rich and the guys so much, I even wanted to minor or in Recreation so I could end up working with people. Then something about this summer and meeting/talking to Jackie made me realize something about myself..

Teaching. I want to teach. High school. Seniors especially. I already know that people are asking me if I'm crazy. I don't know why. I want to teach so bad. I want to be the Ms. Anderson, the Liao, the Burton, the Tolomei, the Masylar, the Cole. I want to be the teacher all the students were comfortable talking with. I want to be what Ms. A and Liao were to me. They helped me get here at Cal Poly, literally. Everything that I went through, I had them there with me. I was able to just go sit in their room for hours and just chat to them about stuff. Our counseling at Santa Clara pretty much sucked ass like any other school. And as ridiculous as this sounds, I'm pretty sure I want to help students. (I'm beginning to not make sense.) This is where I begin to start wanting so many things..

I still want to do Business especially after taking Accounting here at Cal Poly. I've learned that so many accountants love their job and when took the course, it was extremely interesting to me. Don't get me wrong, it was quite a rigirous course to take during my first quarter of college. But I enjoyed it. I still want to do management and am leaning towards Information Systems because I like that whole thing. I want to do all these things with my life and still be a teacher. BA in Business. MBA from SCU has been my goal since I got here and now, CPA from there too. I want my teachings cridental from here or Santa Clara or SJSU. I don't know wants gotten into me.

This is so deadly for me to say but sometimes I wish I was an engineer major. Something about the sound of that fasicinates and intrigues me. What makes me wonder is if I would really be interested in this or is it just the thought of it being fasicinating and different what intrigues me?

I'm so weird. This is getting super long but at least I've gotten to say it on here.

I look at her and it makes me proud

Ne-Yo - Miss Independent

Progress. I like progress. Progress means I'm trying. It means that something is being done. There's effort.

I feel like I'm on Xanga again. The whole slight edits and fixtures to my "layout". HA. NAHHHHH. It's as if I've rewinded 4+ years of my life to changing my layout every week or other day to fit my mood. That's pathetic. Maybe it's just me? Do other people do it? Do they even care about it? I'm not supposed to care. This is BLOGSPOT. It's not supposed to matter. The "look" of this thing has already been changed TWICE. I haven't touched the CSS for my Xanga in two years. I'm pretty sure the dark colors from my hibernation week at home was beginning to depress me. And I'm anything but depressed. I'm confident enough to say that I'm happy.

No really, I'm happy. I'm sure I am because I don't feel any "sorrow" or anger. I can happily say that I've made some great friends here. Yes, you ASIS. Thanks for letting me join the Sequoia crew, what up! And letting me annoy you all the time and hide my food in your room so I don't eat it all and everythingggg. Tower 3 Floor 2 makes me happy. They're the craziest people EVER and drive me INSANE but I wouldn't like it any other way. Sista makes me happy and is my sense of home and the reason I even go to Cal Poly :) Basically any SC person excites me when I see them. Sabrina has got to be the person that drives me crazier than ever here and makes me want to kill her or myself sometimes. But honestly, when it comes down to it.. I love her A LOTTTTT. We've gone through so much and I'm so proud of everything she's overcome. Atta roomie! Who would have thought of the day that I would join TVSA? Let alone CP even having one? Hahahaha. I remember in the beginning , I was wondering what the fuck I got myself into but now, I'm glad I did. Okay, fine. We don't do that much stuff and when we have it's just been like chillin, eating, and drinking, haha. They're great people. I love the way they make sure all of us are okay and always have rides and whatnot. :)

When I decided to blog, I was totally planning to blog about something totally different but I guess that didn't happen. It turned out to be a happier blog and is like a turn around. YAY! I sound so energetic, what the hell. Life's good. Regardless of whatever, it's good. I'm making it a point to make it good.

I love my Santa Clara people. I miss them and I miss ASB. But it's okay, my cork board shrine of them makes up for it. :) I love Lena. She's the best. I'll never forget Summer '05 when her and Trang adopted me to be their baby sis as I was taking care of their drunk asses. They spoil me so much. APRIL 12, WE'RE GOING TO THE CIRCUS.

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret

Yellowcard - One Year Six Months

Since forever, I've been wanting so bad to blog and blog and blog because I like to blog. It's just that it takes me so long. I walk back from class, think in the shower, even plan out what I'm going to blog about before I go to bed. Common sense would say "what the hell Tammy, if you need or want to blog then do it" but we all know my mind does not work that way. I want to be able to sit and just write. I don't want to be one of those people that just blog when they're angry to vent. That's stupid. So I'm here to prove me wrong!

I'm so weird sometimes. I mean, who needs to have the "perfect" song to blog to? Haha. Like straight up sit here and press next on my iTunes until I find the right song to blog to. What the hell, man.

Today was my meeting with the Yosemite CSD (Coordinator of Student ). It was definitely no big D at all! (It seems like none of us say NBD anymore. As if it were so "high school" now or something.) Basically, the reason I had to meet with her was because I, Tammy Nguyen, is on AP! She just asked me questions and wanted to assure that I'm okay. The usual basic protocol stuff. Oh yees, you know it isn't Advanced Placement but instead Academic Probation. It really isn't that bad at all, it's just because I withdrew from my English class because I never went and was always sick. No lectures necessary. My professor and I spoke about it and she understand so we decided to set up a plan that it was before me to withdraw, then retake it this quarter. That's exactly what I'm doing.

In a sense, I'm sort of glad that I am on AP. Who would be glad of such a thing? It's not like I don't have enough drive as a person but AP is definitely helping me concentrate more. I'm getting my shit together and nothing is stopping me. :) As ridiculous as it sounds, I got to the point where I said to myself "Fuck this. No fun til I get my act together." But I'm glad my first weekend back was as fun as it was and I'm still for the most part on track with school. I've been spending a lot of time in the library yet again. All of this just shows how amazing the feeling accomplishment is.

By the time finals rolled around last quarter, I was basically failing both of my classes. My Accounting partner fucked me over so bad on our comprehensive problem that I had to do super well on my final to even pass that class. As for Business Stats, I did all the homework and failed all of the exams so that wasn't too good either. I needed a 78% on the final to move onto the next section of stats. How the hell can I get that high of a grade when I couldn't even pass the exams I studied my little off for? I ended up studying almost 30 hours of the final, literally. The day of the final came around and I took it with great confidence because I realized I practically knew everything! I spent about 20 hours studying for Accounting and took the final a little puzzled because I didn't know some of the ratio formulas. For a good month, all I saw in my head were stats equations and accounting journalization. In the end, I got a 83% on my Stats Final and a 76% on my Accounting final. I passed both classes with C's but the withdraw fucked up my GPA :\

I'm doing it right this quarter. Dean's List, here I come! No joke. I hope. Or maybe a 3.0 would be lovely :)

It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget..