"Welcome to the real world", she said to me

John Mayer - No Such Thing

I love this song.

I'm 19 years old. I wouldn't say that my life is that hard. My life is different from other peoples. But I'm not that self-centered to say that no one will ever understand the life that I've lived. I mean, if someone wanted to they would try that hard and I believe that they could almost come close. I would never tell someone to talk in my shoes or shut the fuck up because would you really want someone to feel the pain that you've endured? Cmon guys, have a heart.

There's one thing though, I still haven't learned how to tackle my insecurities. Maybe that's why I'm so OCD, worried, stressed, and afraid all the time. I'm insecure about everything, I need to learn how to work on that. It took me years to be able to look at people in the eye, Thanks Shawn Metra. It also took me like four years to even gain some self-confidence/esteem and it's still a work in the progress to this day. Thanks Ralph, thanks for never going anywhere. (I wonder if you still have the poster..)

Tumblr/txnguyen

Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance

Those who went to high school with me or has ever been in my integra most likely knew that this is one of my favorite songs ever. Then again, it was my ring tone 75% of the time throughout high school. I don't know how I've forgotten about it these past few months but Angelina's friendly reminder made me smile. :) This song always makes me happy, right next to BS - Sometimes. I still remember when Ralph and I sat around forevererererererer trying to decide which should be my Homecoming song. Too bad we couldn't hear it when I was walking down the carpet. :( Oh well. I wish I didn't have to say that this song was playing in the background when adhfgkadfg and I first kissed. Whatever, I love this song.

PostSecret makes me happy also.

So do you.

Aside from the nonstop midterms, assignments, and studying

I'm pretty fucking happy.

Stolen from Alex Asis

Too bad he thinks that I hate his cooking because I GOT FULL.

I'm missing parts, now that you've told me everything

Saosin - Voices

I wish I knew why I'm so fascinated by organization, computers, and simplicity. Then again, the combination of those three might as well be a straight up oxymoron. We all also know that I pretend to be a nerd at heart. If only I was, it'd be too awesome. Then again, Jarrel considers mine and Clarenz's MBP Parties as us "bonding" as a couple, hah.

As hard as it may be living 200 miles away from home, my mom, Tuan, and my boyfriend, this place is beginning to be my concrete home. If I could I would kidnap them and have them here with me whenever I wanted. Too bad the world doesn't work that way. Does that make me selfish? For some reason when I'm here, I still feel like a kid, or well a college student and all that. But at home, I feel like I'm a grown ass adult takin' care of business everyday. I'm not necessarily complaining about my life, just analyzing how I live a different life at each place.

Knocked Up was on E! today. They've been talking about that shit all over tv and radio.

Alison: You're a sweet guy, right?

Ben: I think I am. Yeah.

Alison: Don't fuck me over, okay?

Ben: I wouldn't do that. I'm-- Just so you know, I'm the guy girls fuck over. I'm that guy. So you don't fuck me over. Okay?

Alison: Okay.

HI #JD! HI RG!

OH YEAH. There's some gnarly winds out right now, feels like a fucking tornado! :(

And now I walk around without care

Justin Sexiest-Man-Alive Timberlake - Lovedstoned

Every time I want to blog, I go through my iTunes on shuffle until I find a song I feel like listening to. Usually, iTunes likes me and gives me a song that I blog to. Today, that didn't happen but I love JT so I don't give a fuck. :)

These past few days, I've wanting to blog so much but all this damn studying is getting in the way. One midterm down, another exam tomorrow and I'll be done for the week. This weekend is tea making, Hot Librarian & Nerd Party, CultureFest, and homework!

Is it just me or is everywhere I'm reading, there always seems to be something about feminism or how women are so freaking "independent" or whatever? Okay, I just realized I sound like a total guy saying it but reallllly dude? Yes, we know women shouldn't need men to take care of them and make them happy and whatnot but is all this constant preaching really necessary? Just be whatever, you don't need to announce to the world what you are. I mean, if you do then doesn't that mean you need it to be said to know that you are? I'm so fucked up but I honestly don't get it. In contrast, what about everyone and their moms being a princess and deserve all the damn spoiling? MY BAD! Fine, I'm the only girl with a bunch of older brothers and I'm spoiled rotten. But why do you need to expect others to look at at as if you're hellllla independent or deserve to be spoiled cause you're a "princess"? I really don't get it. Can someone explain that to me please? Thank you :)

SLOlife has been busy. TVSA, CSA, & ISA keep me so busy on top of 16 units. Oh well, it'll be worth it. I made fried rice a week or two ago. I told AAsis I'd keep my word and I did and he ate it and didn't die.

I'm so weird, I'm gonna shut up now. Back to studying!

And I've always lived like this keeping a comfortable, distance

and up until now I had sworn to myself to that I was content

Paramore - The Only Exception

It was worth putting the rest of the lyrics.

I hate the fact that I always have to plan out how I want to update. I wish I wasn't so damn OCD and could just get on here, type whatever that's on my mind and click "Publish Post". Instead, I have to go back and forth making sure I said everything I had to say and that every little detail is accurate.

Dear Tammy,

You're such a retard.

Love,
Tammy

Anyhow, I'm more than ecstatic to go home tomorrow. Then again, my bitchy ass self has only been gone barely 2 weeks. I lovelovelove this place but fuck, SLO keeps me sooo busy now. I'm not gonna lie, I like being so occupied but when it comes to midterms seasons, I'm fucked.

Then again, it's college. I'm supposed to go through all this suffering and hate my life. I gotta do AAA proud and live it up with him and everyone else this year.

If I know us, we will.

This time, this place, misused, mistakes, too long, too late

Nickelback - Far Away

Not as emo as I seem. Just a friendly babble.

JD and I went to the gym today and decided we fail at life. Instead, we went to one of the few places that calms my nerves to do my favorite thing ever! Stupid us, we got light headed within 10 minutes because we like our phones too much.

Today was a good day. I wasted gas as always, didn't wake up irritated or anything, got some Passion Green Tea, got to see Ms. A and Keneman, picked up Lance from SC, dropped Charity off at Fremont, watched the boy sleep, and SWING! :) Didn't worry too much about anything, just got by another day with little worries.

Then I realized why I have a blogspot instead of tumblr. I miss Xanga but I guess I wanted to be "cool" or whatever because I'm gay like that. Tumblr intimidates me in the way that people go far enough to "like" other peoples' posts and repost them or whatever. I'm not that creative and nifty, I just babble my little head away all the time. And I don't mind of people don't sit around and read this. It's not like I care if they do or not, it's just for JD to know I'm alive! In conclusion. HI BLOGSPOT! YOU'RE COOL. I'm so weird.

AASIS HAS BEEN MIA FROM MY LIFE FOR THE PAST 2+ MONTHS. NOT COOL.

Really though, swings have a way of calming down like there's not a worry in the world. I'm sorry I've neglected you this summer. We only hung out 3 times this summer as oppose to the at least once a week, I fail. Please forgive me.

One of these days, Tuan literally going to kill me for always scaring him about being pregnant when I'm really just craving everything in the world to eat. I blame JD. Speaking of, Brian leaves for Florida on Monday night which means that him and I need to go on our sushi lunch date before he's gone!

I wish I should make a list of things that make me happy for when I 'm not-so-happy to remind me to be happy.

What makes me happy? Swings, JD, showers (haha), passion fruit green tea, jasmine green tea, hugs, "the little boy" (as Charity would say..)

ANYDAY

Too good to not repost

Thanks AAsis!

<3

Multimedia message

Don't tell anyone this but my heart still hurts.

Sent via BlackBerry

I'll be your goal for high expect the best cause you're nothin' like the rest

Colby O'Donis - Sophisticated Bad Girl

Okay, it's time for me to blog! Sorry AAsis, I've disappointed you. :( Anyhow, I think I know where to start. So, I came home on Wednesday and have been doing nothing ever since. Actually, I had a Rec Leader interview yesterday but it didn't go the way I wanted it to go.

I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be. It kills me that it didn't because I knew I would love this job. Jon Kawada asked me why I would be the best for the position, why me instead of everyone else. I knew this question was going to come, I practically anticipated it. I ended up answering around it and not simply getting to the point because at that moment, I had no idea. My head has been everything lately that I didn't know why I was fit for the job I've wanted for so long. I went home and cooked lunch and whatnot for my siblings and thought about it nonstop. At last, I finally knew my answer.

I should be a Recreation Leader because I know for a fact that I'm better than some of the other applicants and Rec Leaders. Why? Because for some of them, it's just an easy job and looks good on their resume. I want to be a rec leader because I know the job will be more difficult than I think. It's going to change my life. I know that at the end of the day, I am going to be so exhausted that I don't want to do anything else. I know that I'm going to have to work long days and deal with a bunch of bullshit. But I'm okay with it. I'm okay with going crazy and whatnot because I know that it's worth it to me. Because being a rec leader is going to bring back the feeling I had when I was in leadership. Some days, I hated the teacher, the people, the tasks, the stress, and everything inbetween and I could have quit at any moment but I never did. I lived for the stress and complications for the end result of what each person got out of it. I will never give up on being involved. Even though I've obviously gone hiatus on it since college started.

But what does this have to do with a summer day camp job? It has EVERYTHING to do with it. When I was a part of leadership, I did it so people would love our school. Maybe appreciate it. Maybe enjoy it more. The list goes on. It goes the same for day camp, I want these kids to have a good time and to be happy. Although their parents might be busy with work and can't look after them, they have something to do. After writing my paper about consumerism and working families, this is JUST what I want and would love to do to prevent it. I want to prevent kids from feeling neglected and look to other means of fun. I want them to know that they have somewhere to turn to. That someone cares, that compassion DOES still exist in our soceity.


I don't know how or when I became so inspirational-like. Or well, try to. I just want to contribute to the world.

I hope blogspot mobile works for me. I want spring break, NOW.

Okay so i'm not sure if this is going to work but i'm mobile posting on my way to Santa Barbara. :)

I'm spendin' my money I'm out of control Somebody help me

Flo Rida - Right Round

This song has been stuck in my head since the day we were at Nathan's house like two weeks ago. I like it. I don't know why but I do. Maybe cause it's catchy. Even though the line I have here is sooo true :)

So here I am in beautiful La Jolla where the weather is far from sunny and warm but it's still that cold and I'm glad it isn't raining. I'm okay with this though and this vacation is definitely relaxing. We left around 4pm yesterday and finally got here at 1030pm after dropping people off at UCLA, Westminster, and UCSD campus. Boi offered, okay not so much I invited myself to stay at his place for the weekend where we get to spend lots of quality time together and do nothing. He's playing Warcraft 3 with his friends right now. Yeah, I know I'm in SD and everything and should be spending time at the beach having a bonfire, going to see the cliffs that EVERYONE goes to and posts on their FaceBook, and hitting up the parties. For me, I'm really enjoying doing absolutely nothing and just chilllllllllin. These guys don't party much but I honestly don't mind at all because somewhere along the way, I am having a great time here. Boi and I are making a bunch of like food this weekend and whatnot. It should be fun. I had Asian food today, it was amazing. Makes me miss my mama. I did go shopping today too. Didn't get too much just a few things here and there. Wasn't able to find any rain boots though. Sad.

The whole resting thing is all I want to do this year. I think I need it. I stress too much. Actually, I make myself stress too much. I wish I knew why. Stressing is preventable but I don't give myself that chance. Whatever, I'm good. :)

And so I'm sailing through the sea to an island where we'll meet

Jason Mraz Ft. Colbie Caillat - Lucky

There are so many things I always plan to blog about. When I'm on my way back from class, on my way to class, sitting around, in the shower, all the time. I even plan it out to the exact words I want to say. As you can tell, I never follow through on it. The words sound so right in my head but once I sit down and begin to type, all I can see is an empty text box. I need to try harder to get all of my thoughts out somewhere.

I've got to hand it to Apple, I love Genius on iTunes. Especially when I'm tired of listening to the same playlist and want to hear something different. My favorite is when songs I used to listen to all the time come on, it's like a pleasant surprise. For instance, the song that I just added on here today. I swear it has no real meeting or relation to me. I love Jason Mraz and songs like these that randomly just stick out to me when I listen to them are great. Plus, it's cute :)

I babble. I love it.

This might be the reason why I'm blogging right now. In fact, it's the purpose of this blogspot in general. I know I'm not alone when I say this but who doesn't hate the question "What do you want to be when you grow up"? Needless to say, I'm at that age where this question shapes my future and everyone feels as if they need to know their answer or else they can't move on with their lives. Anyways, I don't know where I'm going with this. Actually, I do know, I know exactly where I'm going.

There are so many career goals I want in my life. Is it wrong for me to want to do/try so many things? In elementary school when our teacher would do a spotlight student of the week, I had always said that I wanted to be a teacher. I never knew why. But by the time I reached middle school, I thought that was the worst idea I've ever had. I'm pretty sure it's because when I would tell people that when I was younger they would tell me how little pay was and whatnot. When middle school rolled around, I started to get into web/graphic designing. The language spoke to me and I understood it so well, I was good at it. I believed so until my freshmen year when I realized I lacked creativity. No, I know I lack creativity because that light bulb never went off for me. I had the skill to do all of it but I realized that I wouldn't be able to ever enjoy designing if I was forced to come up with ideas. Eventually, Leadership came around and I knew I was in love.

I was in love with being involved, the lack of sleep, and everything that had to do with it. I dedicated all my time in the world to it. I could hardly think of how many conferences I've gone to. Everyone knew how much I was into Leadership dispite all my bitching. It was MY thing whether or not I was good at it. As crazy as it drove me, the thought of quitting NEVER went through my head. That's where Business came for me, they were almost similar. I wanted to do something where I could be around people and something about Business was appealing to me. (I didn't realized Business was known as the major of the undecided until this past summer.) Because of Youth Commission and being around Rich and the guys so much, I even wanted to minor or in Recreation so I could end up working with people. Then something about this summer and meeting/talking to Jackie made me realize something about myself..

Teaching. I want to teach. High school. Seniors especially. I already know that people are asking me if I'm crazy. I don't know why. I want to teach so bad. I want to be the Ms. Anderson, the Liao, the Burton, the Tolomei, the Masylar, the Cole. I want to be the teacher all the students were comfortable talking with. I want to be what Ms. A and Liao were to me. They helped me get here at Cal Poly, literally. Everything that I went through, I had them there with me. I was able to just go sit in their room for hours and just chat to them about stuff. Our counseling at Santa Clara pretty much sucked ass like any other school. And as ridiculous as this sounds, I'm pretty sure I want to help students. (I'm beginning to not make sense.) This is where I begin to start wanting so many things..

I still want to do Business especially after taking Accounting here at Cal Poly. I've learned that so many accountants love their job and when took the course, it was extremely interesting to me. Don't get me wrong, it was quite a rigirous course to take during my first quarter of college. But I enjoyed it. I still want to do management and am leaning towards Information Systems because I like that whole thing. I want to do all these things with my life and still be a teacher. BA in Business. MBA from SCU has been my goal since I got here and now, CPA from there too. I want my teachings cridental from here or Santa Clara or SJSU. I don't know wants gotten into me.

This is so deadly for me to say but sometimes I wish I was an engineer major. Something about the sound of that fasicinates and intrigues me. What makes me wonder is if I would really be interested in this or is it just the thought of it being fasicinating and different what intrigues me?

I'm so weird. This is getting super long but at least I've gotten to say it on here.

I look at her and it makes me proud

Ne-Yo - Miss Independent

Progress. I like progress. Progress means I'm trying. It means that something is being done. There's effort.

I feel like I'm on Xanga again. The whole slight edits and fixtures to my "layout". HA. NAHHHHH. It's as if I've rewinded 4+ years of my life to changing my layout every week or other day to fit my mood. That's pathetic. Maybe it's just me? Do other people do it? Do they even care about it? I'm not supposed to care. This is BLOGSPOT. It's not supposed to matter. The "look" of this thing has already been changed TWICE. I haven't touched the CSS for my Xanga in two years. I'm pretty sure the dark colors from my hibernation week at home was beginning to depress me. And I'm anything but depressed. I'm confident enough to say that I'm happy.

No really, I'm happy. I'm sure I am because I don't feel any "sorrow" or anger. I can happily say that I've made some great friends here. Yes, you ASIS. Thanks for letting me join the Sequoia crew, what up! And letting me annoy you all the time and hide my food in your room so I don't eat it all and everythingggg. Tower 3 Floor 2 makes me happy. They're the craziest people EVER and drive me INSANE but I wouldn't like it any other way. Sista makes me happy and is my sense of home and the reason I even go to Cal Poly :) Basically any SC person excites me when I see them. Sabrina has got to be the person that drives me crazier than ever here and makes me want to kill her or myself sometimes. But honestly, when it comes down to it.. I love her A LOTTTTT. We've gone through so much and I'm so proud of everything she's overcome. Atta roomie! Who would have thought of the day that I would join TVSA? Let alone CP even having one? Hahahaha. I remember in the beginning , I was wondering what the fuck I got myself into but now, I'm glad I did. Okay, fine. We don't do that much stuff and when we have it's just been like chillin, eating, and drinking, haha. They're great people. I love the way they make sure all of us are okay and always have rides and whatnot. :)

When I decided to blog, I was totally planning to blog about something totally different but I guess that didn't happen. It turned out to be a happier blog and is like a turn around. YAY! I sound so energetic, what the hell. Life's good. Regardless of whatever, it's good. I'm making it a point to make it good.

I love my Santa Clara people. I miss them and I miss ASB. But it's okay, my cork board shrine of them makes up for it. :) I love Lena. She's the best. I'll never forget Summer '05 when her and Trang adopted me to be their baby sis as I was taking care of their drunk asses. They spoil me so much. APRIL 12, WE'RE GOING TO THE CIRCUS.