I've been so bitter about it all this time. Not once did I try to look at it in a better perspective. Sometimes, we need to fall in order to rise above ourselves. For the past 8 years, we were waiting for the day to come and it finally did when we least expected it. It kicked our ass. If anything, it still is right now. Never will I admit this but starting over is really the only thing we have left to do. In order to get over this, I seriously need to swallow my pride completely and look at it in a new perspective.
I'm always good at making the best of what I have, I wish I knew what happened. I can't believe I ever let the things Tim said get to me. That's when you know things are all bad.
Like everyone else, I took for granted the fact that I had a real home and now I barely know what it is. Aside from that, I always took my best friend for granted expecting that he'd always be there to sit with me while I'm crying without saying a word. Everything got to me so much, I couldn't even stick around to my mom without breaking down so I didn't. Now, I barely get to see her at all.
For as long as I could remember, I've always depended on certain people in my life to "make things better" for me. When I left, I told myself I'd take better care of myself so they wouldn't have to. I thought I was doing a better job. But during that same time, trusting people became a huge issue for me. I finally started getting tired of it trying. I was tired of the broken promises. Tired of getting my hopes up. Tired of constantly setting myself up for disappointment. It got to the point where I realized that I was the only one trying. And then I just didn't give a fuck anymore. They'll be back when they need me/something, they always do. Now, I'm having such a hard time completely letting my guard down and all it's doing is kicking my ass.
The best part of this is that everyday is a new day consisting of a new goal.
My goal today is to convince you how I feel and that I do know what I'm doing.
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