Now I'm where I wanna be, come co-pilot with me

The Dream - Walkin' On the Moon

I like this song. Then again I like all the songs I post about..

Two days into the week and I can already feel that it's going to be a good week. Yesterday, I decided to skip Managerial and sleep in. Before I went back to sleep, I texted one of my group mates to ask if we got our midterms back. I've been so anxious since last Wednesday to find out my grade since I stayed up til 5am to study so it was AWESOMEEEEE when I found out that I got a 90% on it. :) Especially since I got a D on the first midterm. Today, I was late for my IS class so I didn't go and to just go over the stuff we went in class from my apt. Checked my grade and found out that I got an 83% on my midterm. Not bad considering I didn't really study but I was bummed since I got a 95% on the first. Whatever, doing pretty well this quarter and I've never been happier about it.

Not the mention, today is OUR three. It's not really big deal but whatever, I've technically never "officially" been in a relationship for a full month. Hah, it's weird and complicated but whatever things are good and we're happy and that's all that matters. And I know that I just used "and" too many times in the sentence but I don't care. Hiii person-with-the-same-initials-as-Cal-Poly! I know you like it when I directly address you in my posts. I hope you like your surprise and the shoes :)

This weekend is Big/Little revealing then Thanks-for-giving Banquet and I'm soooo EXCITED! I think I feel this way because it was this time last year that I joined TVSA. I hecka joined last minute and everything and still got an awesomeeee big who I'm pretty close with now. :) Looking back, I've gone such a long way the past year and met such good people through this club. I'll save that little speech for later but I'm still excited! I feel bad that both of Asis' littles are bailing on him but it's okay, my family will adopt him!

HI ASIS! KICK SOME LINEAR ASS!

8 DAYS TIL THANKSGIVING BREAK :D

Stolen from Alex Asis

Too bad he thinks that I hate his cooking because I GOT FULL.

I'm missing parts, now that you've told me everything

Saosin - Voices

I wish I knew why I'm so fascinated by organization, computers, and simplicity. Then again, the combination of those three might as well be a straight up oxymoron. We all also know that I pretend to be a nerd at heart. If only I was, it'd be too awesome. Then again, Jarrel considers mine and Clarenz's MBP Parties as us "bonding" as a couple, hah.

As hard as it may be living 200 miles away from home, my mom, Tuan, and my boyfriend, this place is beginning to be my concrete home. If I could I would kidnap them and have them here with me whenever I wanted. Too bad the world doesn't work that way. Does that make me selfish? For some reason when I'm here, I still feel like a kid, or well a college student and all that. But at home, I feel like I'm a grown ass adult takin' care of business everyday. I'm not necessarily complaining about my life, just analyzing how I live a different life at each place.

Knocked Up was on E! today. They've been talking about that shit all over tv and radio.

Alison: You're a sweet guy, right?

Ben: I think I am. Yeah.

Alison: Don't fuck me over, okay?

Ben: I wouldn't do that. I'm-- Just so you know, I'm the guy girls fuck over. I'm that guy. So you don't fuck me over. Okay?

Alison: Okay.

HI #JD! HI RG!

OH YEAH. There's some gnarly winds out right now, feels like a fucking tornado! :(

And I've always lived like this keeping a comfortable, distance

and up until now I had sworn to myself to that I was content

Paramore - The Only Exception

It was worth putting the rest of the lyrics.

I hate the fact that I always have to plan out how I want to update. I wish I wasn't so damn OCD and could just get on here, type whatever that's on my mind and click "Publish Post". Instead, I have to go back and forth making sure I said everything I had to say and that every little detail is accurate.

Dear Tammy,

You're such a retard.

Love,
Tammy

Anyhow, I'm more than ecstatic to go home tomorrow. Then again, my bitchy ass self has only been gone barely 2 weeks. I lovelovelove this place but fuck, SLO keeps me sooo busy now. I'm not gonna lie, I like being so occupied but when it comes to midterms seasons, I'm fucked.

Then again, it's college. I'm supposed to go through all this suffering and hate my life. I gotta do AAA proud and live it up with him and everyone else this year.

If I know us, we will.

All I know you make me feel like six million dollars, star tonight

Tamia Ft. Talib Kweli - Officially Missing You

Asis has usually been the one the has kept me on my feet with blogging. I thought I was getting better but I slacked off again. I've been so preoccupied with things here and there that I started to neglect this thing again. I need to be do a better job. Oh well, at least my last few weeks of summer were spent well. :)

Everyone already knows where I'm going with this update. It's 1:20am, on a school night and I'm still up NOT doing my assignment. Fall Quarter/2009-2010 at Cal Poly has officially begun! Asis and I used to always have the longest conversations of how epic our 2nd year would be living in Poly Canyon; it's finally here! It's only right if I make this a lame update about every little aspect of my life since it's been that long, hah.

I have awesome roommates. :) Too bad I've been so busy with going back and forth between home and here, TVSA, classes, and breathing that I've barely spent a solid 30 minutes hanging out with them. I love the location of my apartment even though it is far from everything else. It's so much more quiet and we don't have to deal with the plaza fuss. Canyon Circle Parking Structure is literally across from our apartment. Oh yeah, our apartment is on the first floor so it's easy access when we get groceries and whatnot. :) DID I MENTION THAT THIS IS MY FIRST PRIVATE ROOM EVER?! YUP! It's actually pretty lonely because I've never had my own room before but I'm slowly getting used to sleeping in a room by myself. How did I manage to forget how mellow SLO was and what it was like to have a stable place to come home to at night.

Of courseee it's awesome to see the homies again. Hah, I said homies. Pretty much got reunited with the TVSA crew/siblings, Asis, Dumb & Dumber (Tony & Derek), drunk homie, and everyone. I just haven't had the chance to REALLY hang out with my big or Tiff yet. :( For some reason, life in SLO always seems like such a (pleasant) routine. Class, breaks, hanging out, doing nothing, and great company. I have a horrible tendency to always express how much I love this town and that Home is such a burden to me. But at the end of the day, my heart is always gonna be at Home. I love the friends that I'm still friends with today, post- high school. All of us have changed and (hopefully) grown as a person yet nothing is going to convince me that if it's unlikely that I'm still going to be friends with these people in a few years. Nothing can prevent me from firmly believing in effort and perseverance. I miss #JG, #JD, RG, JG, and AN every day.

I'm struggling more than ever adjusting to being in my first "long distance" relationship (not to mention my second actual relationship). If anyone knows me and my "philosophy" of life and everything in between, I don't believe in long distance relationships. I have this pessimistic perspective that is always going to question and have doubts for everything. While going over the introduction of Sociology today, my professor explained how we need to think like a peanut head. Yeah, peanut head? WTF?! He meant peanut head in a sense that we have to question everything we are told and everything we think we know. How do we know what we know? How do our peers know what they know? He basically told us that he used to not believe in certain ideals and when he did, he questioned himself why he was ever against it. You can say it made me realize that I never had the right to discourage peoples' decisions to be in a long distance relationship. Scientific research has proven that long distance relationships are bound to fail. (Courtesy of Psychology class last Spring.) But just because other people have failed in these relationships doesn't quite mean that my relationship is going to fail. I have strong opinions and strive to prove peoples' doubts wrong. For all I know, science and the odds are all against me but too-fucking-bad cause it's not stopping me. Clarenz Posadas<3

PS. I miss you, creep!

So maybe this update really did end up being about me missing people and babbling like always.

This time, this place, misused, mistakes, too long, too late

Nickelback - Far Away

Not as emo as I seem. Just a friendly babble.

JD and I went to the gym today and decided we fail at life. Instead, we went to one of the few places that calms my nerves to do my favorite thing ever! Stupid us, we got light headed within 10 minutes because we like our phones too much.

Today was a good day. I wasted gas as always, didn't wake up irritated or anything, got some Passion Green Tea, got to see Ms. A and Keneman, picked up Lance from SC, dropped Charity off at Fremont, watched the boy sleep, and SWING! :) Didn't worry too much about anything, just got by another day with little worries.

Then I realized why I have a blogspot instead of tumblr. I miss Xanga but I guess I wanted to be "cool" or whatever because I'm gay like that. Tumblr intimidates me in the way that people go far enough to "like" other peoples' posts and repost them or whatever. I'm not that creative and nifty, I just babble my little head away all the time. And I don't mind of people don't sit around and read this. It's not like I care if they do or not, it's just for JD to know I'm alive! In conclusion. HI BLOGSPOT! YOU'RE COOL. I'm so weird.

AASIS HAS BEEN MIA FROM MY LIFE FOR THE PAST 2+ MONTHS. NOT COOL.

Really though, swings have a way of calming down like there's not a worry in the world. I'm sorry I've neglected you this summer. We only hung out 3 times this summer as oppose to the at least once a week, I fail. Please forgive me.

One of these days, Tuan literally going to kill me for always scaring him about being pregnant when I'm really just craving everything in the world to eat. I blame JD. Speaking of, Brian leaves for Florida on Monday night which means that him and I need to go on our sushi lunch date before he's gone!

I wish I should make a list of things that make me happy for when I 'm not-so-happy to remind me to be happy.

What makes me happy? Swings, JD, showers (haha), passion fruit green tea, jasmine green tea, hugs, "the little boy" (as Charity would say..)

Give me pieces, give me things to stay awake

The All-American Rejects - Dance Inside

Heard this song for the first time in months a few days ago. It was nice hearing it again. I used to hella listen to the album and when it would get to this song, I'd listen to it another 34583490 times. Hah. Thanks for putting it on the cd for me, Clarenz.

Guess it's only right for me to to make sure I make a mark of today. The last official day of living at 2530 Forbes Ave. The only address I've ever known for myself. Funny of me to say that considering it's my last day and I've been in that house for less than 12 hours today. Tracey is joining me in driving to SLO tonight to move some of my stuff down there along with Albert's mattress. I've missed the beauty and simplicity of that town. It'll be nice to be back there for a bit. I miss my Big too. She's coming back from Thailand today, YAY!

Last night, as I was dropping off the last few boxes of my belongings at different places, I just didn't know how to feel anymore. I wasn't mad. Maybe sad. But more lost and confused. Denial? Most likely. It's gonna take a bit of time but I'll be fine in no time, don't YOU worry. Isn't it convenient how I'm going to SLO this weekend too? I wasn't sure if I planned it this way intentionally but it seems like I'm running away from the reality. Too bad I'm not. Throughout the past year, I've tried with every muscle in my body to learn to be independent and fix myself when I'm down. Before, it was basically always Ralph having to be my best friend and listening to me bitch and cry all the fucking time. (Thanks RG!) I'm not pushing people away, I'm just taking care of myself. It isn't as bad as it sounds, if anything it's pretty refreshing.

Speaking of refreshing, #JD and I have been back at the gym and it's the BEST FEELING EVER. My back doesn't ache nor crack as much anymore. I love the feeling of accomplishment after leaving the gym. (With exception of our McD's rampage night.) I sleep sooooooooo well. I had so much discipline last Fall to work out and everything, going like 5-6 times/week. Gotta get back on that. Thanks #JD :)

Shits getting REAL. I'm okay, I promise. <3

Treat 'em like they don't stand a chance

Cobra Starship - Good Girls Go Bad

I feel like I only update this thing like twice a month. Pretty sure I need to more often to maintain my sanity, ha. Past few times I've come around, I've been pretty damn angry.

Clarenz told me that I'm mad like everyday and I need to not let it get to me anymore. All these things are literally driving me daghadoifgdfg. At least I'm not sitting around crying about it anymore? The things I'd give to have the 3 T's back. ANYTHING. Fuck the pride, fuck the remorse, fuck the regrets. Too bad the damage has been done and there's not much we could do about it anymore but deal.

Really though, I think I'm more sad than mad. I need to learn how to deal with all this better. Going to the gym again has helped a bit, I just need to be more consistent with it. Most people already know but I've been packing away my life since I've left for SLO. It wasn't until yesterday that I officially moved some of my stuff out of the house and into my mom's place she's staying at for a while. As I was driving to the house, I couldn't tell if I was angry at my dad, Tim and everyone for letting it come down to this or if it was because this is really happening. Guess you can say, I'm still confused on how to deal with this. I'm not the type to throw everything away and start over. I like to try to fix it and say I've given it my all. iodafhgiodg I don't know, I really don't.

I just miss my family.
And my best friend and our random ass errands of doing whatever. I'm not going anywhere.
Pretty sure I miss everything but whatever, gotta suck it up.

This isn't the end of the world. Just need to get through the day and I'll be okay.

I wish I didn't give a fuck, but YOU already know I doooooooo.

<3