Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance

Those who went to high school with me or has ever been in my integra most likely knew that this is one of my favorite songs ever. Then again, it was my ring tone 75% of the time throughout high school. I don't know how I've forgotten about it these past few months but Angelina's friendly reminder made me smile. :) This song always makes me happy, right next to BS - Sometimes. I still remember when Ralph and I sat around forevererererererer trying to decide which should be my Homecoming song. Too bad we couldn't hear it when I was walking down the carpet. :( Oh well. I wish I didn't have to say that this song was playing in the background when adhfgkadfg and I first kissed. Whatever, I love this song.

PostSecret makes me happy also.

So do you.

Aside from the nonstop midterms, assignments, and studying

I'm pretty fucking happy.

Stolen from Alex Asis

Too bad he thinks that I hate his cooking because I GOT FULL.

I'm missing parts, now that you've told me everything

Saosin - Voices

I wish I knew why I'm so fascinated by organization, computers, and simplicity. Then again, the combination of those three might as well be a straight up oxymoron. We all also know that I pretend to be a nerd at heart. If only I was, it'd be too awesome. Then again, Jarrel considers mine and Clarenz's MBP Parties as us "bonding" as a couple, hah.

As hard as it may be living 200 miles away from home, my mom, Tuan, and my boyfriend, this place is beginning to be my concrete home. If I could I would kidnap them and have them here with me whenever I wanted. Too bad the world doesn't work that way. Does that make me selfish? For some reason when I'm here, I still feel like a kid, or well a college student and all that. But at home, I feel like I'm a grown ass adult takin' care of business everyday. I'm not necessarily complaining about my life, just analyzing how I live a different life at each place.

Knocked Up was on E! today. They've been talking about that shit all over tv and radio.

Alison: You're a sweet guy, right?

Ben: I think I am. Yeah.

Alison: Don't fuck me over, okay?

Ben: I wouldn't do that. I'm-- Just so you know, I'm the guy girls fuck over. I'm that guy. So you don't fuck me over. Okay?

Alison: Okay.

HI #JD! HI RG!

OH YEAH. There's some gnarly winds out right now, feels like a fucking tornado! :(

And now I walk around without care

Justin Sexiest-Man-Alive Timberlake - Lovedstoned

Every time I want to blog, I go through my iTunes on shuffle until I find a song I feel like listening to. Usually, iTunes likes me and gives me a song that I blog to. Today, that didn't happen but I love JT so I don't give a fuck. :)

These past few days, I've wanting to blog so much but all this damn studying is getting in the way. One midterm down, another exam tomorrow and I'll be done for the week. This weekend is tea making, Hot Librarian & Nerd Party, CultureFest, and homework!

Is it just me or is everywhere I'm reading, there always seems to be something about feminism or how women are so freaking "independent" or whatever? Okay, I just realized I sound like a total guy saying it but reallllly dude? Yes, we know women shouldn't need men to take care of them and make them happy and whatnot but is all this constant preaching really necessary? Just be whatever, you don't need to announce to the world what you are. I mean, if you do then doesn't that mean you need it to be said to know that you are? I'm so fucked up but I honestly don't get it. In contrast, what about everyone and their moms being a princess and deserve all the damn spoiling? MY BAD! Fine, I'm the only girl with a bunch of older brothers and I'm spoiled rotten. But why do you need to expect others to look at at as if you're hellllla independent or deserve to be spoiled cause you're a "princess"? I really don't get it. Can someone explain that to me please? Thank you :)

SLOlife has been busy. TVSA, CSA, & ISA keep me so busy on top of 16 units. Oh well, it'll be worth it. I made fried rice a week or two ago. I told AAsis I'd keep my word and I did and he ate it and didn't die.

I'm so weird, I'm gonna shut up now. Back to studying!

And I've always lived like this keeping a comfortable, distance

and up until now I had sworn to myself to that I was content

Paramore - The Only Exception

It was worth putting the rest of the lyrics.

I hate the fact that I always have to plan out how I want to update. I wish I wasn't so damn OCD and could just get on here, type whatever that's on my mind and click "Publish Post". Instead, I have to go back and forth making sure I said everything I had to say and that every little detail is accurate.

Dear Tammy,

You're such a retard.

Love,
Tammy

Anyhow, I'm more than ecstatic to go home tomorrow. Then again, my bitchy ass self has only been gone barely 2 weeks. I lovelovelove this place but fuck, SLO keeps me sooo busy now. I'm not gonna lie, I like being so occupied but when it comes to midterms seasons, I'm fucked.

Then again, it's college. I'm supposed to go through all this suffering and hate my life. I gotta do AAA proud and live it up with him and everyone else this year.

If I know us, we will.

All I know you make me feel like six million dollars, star tonight

Tamia Ft. Talib Kweli - Officially Missing You

Asis has usually been the one the has kept me on my feet with blogging. I thought I was getting better but I slacked off again. I've been so preoccupied with things here and there that I started to neglect this thing again. I need to be do a better job. Oh well, at least my last few weeks of summer were spent well. :)

Everyone already knows where I'm going with this update. It's 1:20am, on a school night and I'm still up NOT doing my assignment. Fall Quarter/2009-2010 at Cal Poly has officially begun! Asis and I used to always have the longest conversations of how epic our 2nd year would be living in Poly Canyon; it's finally here! It's only right if I make this a lame update about every little aspect of my life since it's been that long, hah.

I have awesome roommates. :) Too bad I've been so busy with going back and forth between home and here, TVSA, classes, and breathing that I've barely spent a solid 30 minutes hanging out with them. I love the location of my apartment even though it is far from everything else. It's so much more quiet and we don't have to deal with the plaza fuss. Canyon Circle Parking Structure is literally across from our apartment. Oh yeah, our apartment is on the first floor so it's easy access when we get groceries and whatnot. :) DID I MENTION THAT THIS IS MY FIRST PRIVATE ROOM EVER?! YUP! It's actually pretty lonely because I've never had my own room before but I'm slowly getting used to sleeping in a room by myself. How did I manage to forget how mellow SLO was and what it was like to have a stable place to come home to at night.

Of courseee it's awesome to see the homies again. Hah, I said homies. Pretty much got reunited with the TVSA crew/siblings, Asis, Dumb & Dumber (Tony & Derek), drunk homie, and everyone. I just haven't had the chance to REALLY hang out with my big or Tiff yet. :( For some reason, life in SLO always seems like such a (pleasant) routine. Class, breaks, hanging out, doing nothing, and great company. I have a horrible tendency to always express how much I love this town and that Home is such a burden to me. But at the end of the day, my heart is always gonna be at Home. I love the friends that I'm still friends with today, post- high school. All of us have changed and (hopefully) grown as a person yet nothing is going to convince me that if it's unlikely that I'm still going to be friends with these people in a few years. Nothing can prevent me from firmly believing in effort and perseverance. I miss #JG, #JD, RG, JG, and AN every day.

I'm struggling more than ever adjusting to being in my first "long distance" relationship (not to mention my second actual relationship). If anyone knows me and my "philosophy" of life and everything in between, I don't believe in long distance relationships. I have this pessimistic perspective that is always going to question and have doubts for everything. While going over the introduction of Sociology today, my professor explained how we need to think like a peanut head. Yeah, peanut head? WTF?! He meant peanut head in a sense that we have to question everything we are told and everything we think we know. How do we know what we know? How do our peers know what they know? He basically told us that he used to not believe in certain ideals and when he did, he questioned himself why he was ever against it. You can say it made me realize that I never had the right to discourage peoples' decisions to be in a long distance relationship. Scientific research has proven that long distance relationships are bound to fail. (Courtesy of Psychology class last Spring.) But just because other people have failed in these relationships doesn't quite mean that my relationship is going to fail. I have strong opinions and strive to prove peoples' doubts wrong. For all I know, science and the odds are all against me but too-fucking-bad cause it's not stopping me. Clarenz Posadas<3

PS. I miss you, creep!

So maybe this update really did end up being about me missing people and babbling like always.

This time, this place, misused, mistakes, too long, too late

Nickelback - Far Away

Not as emo as I seem. Just a friendly babble.

JD and I went to the gym today and decided we fail at life. Instead, we went to one of the few places that calms my nerves to do my favorite thing ever! Stupid us, we got light headed within 10 minutes because we like our phones too much.

Today was a good day. I wasted gas as always, didn't wake up irritated or anything, got some Passion Green Tea, got to see Ms. A and Keneman, picked up Lance from SC, dropped Charity off at Fremont, watched the boy sleep, and SWING! :) Didn't worry too much about anything, just got by another day with little worries.

Then I realized why I have a blogspot instead of tumblr. I miss Xanga but I guess I wanted to be "cool" or whatever because I'm gay like that. Tumblr intimidates me in the way that people go far enough to "like" other peoples' posts and repost them or whatever. I'm not that creative and nifty, I just babble my little head away all the time. And I don't mind of people don't sit around and read this. It's not like I care if they do or not, it's just for JD to know I'm alive! In conclusion. HI BLOGSPOT! YOU'RE COOL. I'm so weird.

AASIS HAS BEEN MIA FROM MY LIFE FOR THE PAST 2+ MONTHS. NOT COOL.

Really though, swings have a way of calming down like there's not a worry in the world. I'm sorry I've neglected you this summer. We only hung out 3 times this summer as oppose to the at least once a week, I fail. Please forgive me.

One of these days, Tuan literally going to kill me for always scaring him about being pregnant when I'm really just craving everything in the world to eat. I blame JD. Speaking of, Brian leaves for Florida on Monday night which means that him and I need to go on our sushi lunch date before he's gone!

I wish I should make a list of things that make me happy for when I 'm not-so-happy to remind me to be happy.

What makes me happy? Swings, JD, showers (haha), passion fruit green tea, jasmine green tea, hugs, "the little boy" (as Charity would say..)

ANYDAY

Give me pieces, give me things to stay awake

The All-American Rejects - Dance Inside

Heard this song for the first time in months a few days ago. It was nice hearing it again. I used to hella listen to the album and when it would get to this song, I'd listen to it another 34583490 times. Hah. Thanks for putting it on the cd for me, Clarenz.

Guess it's only right for me to to make sure I make a mark of today. The last official day of living at 2530 Forbes Ave. The only address I've ever known for myself. Funny of me to say that considering it's my last day and I've been in that house for less than 12 hours today. Tracey is joining me in driving to SLO tonight to move some of my stuff down there along with Albert's mattress. I've missed the beauty and simplicity of that town. It'll be nice to be back there for a bit. I miss my Big too. She's coming back from Thailand today, YAY!

Last night, as I was dropping off the last few boxes of my belongings at different places, I just didn't know how to feel anymore. I wasn't mad. Maybe sad. But more lost and confused. Denial? Most likely. It's gonna take a bit of time but I'll be fine in no time, don't YOU worry. Isn't it convenient how I'm going to SLO this weekend too? I wasn't sure if I planned it this way intentionally but it seems like I'm running away from the reality. Too bad I'm not. Throughout the past year, I've tried with every muscle in my body to learn to be independent and fix myself when I'm down. Before, it was basically always Ralph having to be my best friend and listening to me bitch and cry all the fucking time. (Thanks RG!) I'm not pushing people away, I'm just taking care of myself. It isn't as bad as it sounds, if anything it's pretty refreshing.

Speaking of refreshing, #JD and I have been back at the gym and it's the BEST FEELING EVER. My back doesn't ache nor crack as much anymore. I love the feeling of accomplishment after leaving the gym. (With exception of our McD's rampage night.) I sleep sooooooooo well. I had so much discipline last Fall to work out and everything, going like 5-6 times/week. Gotta get back on that. Thanks #JD :)

Shits getting REAL. I'm okay, I promise. <3

Too good to not repost

Thanks AAsis!

Treat 'em like they don't stand a chance

Cobra Starship - Good Girls Go Bad

I feel like I only update this thing like twice a month. Pretty sure I need to more often to maintain my sanity, ha. Past few times I've come around, I've been pretty damn angry.

Clarenz told me that I'm mad like everyday and I need to not let it get to me anymore. All these things are literally driving me daghadoifgdfg. At least I'm not sitting around crying about it anymore? The things I'd give to have the 3 T's back. ANYTHING. Fuck the pride, fuck the remorse, fuck the regrets. Too bad the damage has been done and there's not much we could do about it anymore but deal.

Really though, I think I'm more sad than mad. I need to learn how to deal with all this better. Going to the gym again has helped a bit, I just need to be more consistent with it. Most people already know but I've been packing away my life since I've left for SLO. It wasn't until yesterday that I officially moved some of my stuff out of the house and into my mom's place she's staying at for a while. As I was driving to the house, I couldn't tell if I was angry at my dad, Tim and everyone for letting it come down to this or if it was because this is really happening. Guess you can say, I'm still confused on how to deal with this. I'm not the type to throw everything away and start over. I like to try to fix it and say I've given it my all. iodafhgiodg I don't know, I really don't.

I just miss my family.
And my best friend and our random ass errands of doing whatever. I'm not going anywhere.
Pretty sure I miss everything but whatever, gotta suck it up.

This isn't the end of the world. Just need to get through the day and I'll be okay.

I wish I didn't give a fuck, but YOU already know I doooooooo.

<3

Baby won't you come and take this pain away

Diddy - Last Night

Hahahah, I put the randomest songs ever. I promise it's allll iTunes' shuffle. Maybe I'll babble about the song a little, yeah? Yes? Okay! Do you really need someone to take your pain away? Can't you do it yourself? I know I've been bitter and all but this is all out of my attempts of being realistic. Cmon guys, it's called independence. Blah blah blah. I don't know whatever. I like hearing this song on shuffle. :) ANYHOW! That wasn't even the effin reason I wanted to blog.

I wanted to blog because it is finals week, dun dun DUN. Why do I sound so optimistic and jittery? I think I'm losing it, it might be true. Whatever, I did pretty decent on my Psych final and I'm happy about that. Too bad that's one of my smallest worries. I'm soooooo fucked for Micro, oh well. Gotta get studying after this post. Shit, I need to start packing too.

Ever since I came here, I think I've grown a great level of independence-ish. Kindof. Not so much in the level of like negative, you know? More like being able to take care of myself and take problems on head-on. Most of the time that is. I thought I said I was a work in progress? Still progressing and will be forever and ever and ever. I really hope that people know that I'm not as pessimistic and a broken wreck as I often make it seem. I'm not that bad. Just trying to get by day by day and pursuit my goals and dreams.

Don't tell anyone this, but I'm a bit sad to leave SLO. It's my sanctuary from the ridiculous things going on at home.

Ew, thanks for effin up the quality BlogSpot :(

Little darling the smiles returning to the faces

The Beatles - Here Comes the Sun

I'm ashamed of myself for being so behind lately. Good thing I've added some random ones here and there from the mobile. There are 5 weeks left in this quarter and I'll be done with my first year of college. Boy does time fly. Spring quarter has done me extremely well! That makes me more than happy. TVSA has kept me on my toes and brought me close to a great group of people. Speaking of.. I would like to introduce you to the Thai-Vietnamese Student Association's 2009/2010 Board (+plus Christine :P)


Goodness, I love fighting and bickering with this people. We act like siblings, get drunk together, and everything in between. It's our differences that bring us closer together :) General meeting today, fuck. I need to do some type of website mock to show them, uh oh!

OH YEAH! I'm alive, wooooo!

I've never been this happy this year :)

I'm in love with this place and where I'm going with things.

Polycultural Weekend has been amazing :) At this moment I'm on the midnight Amtrak bus to go back to SJ for the Britney concert. Life is amazing. I'm saying this whole hearted :)

I toss and turn, I keep stressing my mind

Kid Cudi - Day 'N Nite

It's April. A new month. A new quarter. And as some may put it, a new start. The last notable time I had a new entry was the beginning of last quarter when I informed everyone about my status of Academic Probation. I am proud to say that I raised a 1.2 GPA to 2.1 cumulative and no longer on Academic Probation :) I SURVIVED THE HARDEST QUARTER I'VE HAD YET! I'm happy happy about it. It was a crazy roller coaster and things are only going to get worse.

When I think about it, last quarter was ridiculous because I made it ridiculous. There are many things I could have done to prevent it but I didn't. Everything is a learning experience though, right? RIGHT. So for this new quarter, I'm proud to say that I think I'm going to be okay. I'm going to MAKE it okay. No more tossin' and turnin' at night for me. Honestly though, I went to bed every night worried and freaking out. For one of the seven papers I wrote last quarter, I wrote about how sleep works and was told that in order to get a good night's sleep, one should go to bed with little worries and a clear mind. All the stress made me toss and turn at night. The constant worries for the 7am classes and the papers I had to write. It was a terrifying but learning experience.

I've told myself and others this many times but I've never been able to listen to myself. I'm a firm believer that a good portion of the time, people live the life they want. Does that remind anyone of The Wedding Date? "Everyone has the love life they want." Why my explanation, though? Because through the toughest times and whatnot, it's our own choice of how to cope with it. Whether it be avoiding the situation or facing it head on. In the end, it's MY decision. So why did I choose such horrible ways to deal with it? You live and you learn..

I hate sounding so preacher-ish. Sometimes I'm pretty sure I'm saying these things because it's my way of telling myself things in my head. And maybe saying it "outloud" on here helps? Anyhow, it's a new quarter and I'm going to relax and chill these time around. Get my shit done but do it in a more subtle manner so I don't kill myself. Take it easy because stressing only deprives of more sleep :(

My fingers are crossed and I have high hopes. It should count for something, yeah?

I'll be your goal for high expect the best cause you're nothin' like the rest

Colby O'Donis - Sophisticated Bad Girl

Okay, it's time for me to blog! Sorry AAsis, I've disappointed you. :( Anyhow, I think I know where to start. So, I came home on Wednesday and have been doing nothing ever since. Actually, I had a Rec Leader interview yesterday but it didn't go the way I wanted it to go.

I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be. It kills me that it didn't because I knew I would love this job. Jon Kawada asked me why I would be the best for the position, why me instead of everyone else. I knew this question was going to come, I practically anticipated it. I ended up answering around it and not simply getting to the point because at that moment, I had no idea. My head has been everything lately that I didn't know why I was fit for the job I've wanted for so long. I went home and cooked lunch and whatnot for my siblings and thought about it nonstop. At last, I finally knew my answer.

I should be a Recreation Leader because I know for a fact that I'm better than some of the other applicants and Rec Leaders. Why? Because for some of them, it's just an easy job and looks good on their resume. I want to be a rec leader because I know the job will be more difficult than I think. It's going to change my life. I know that at the end of the day, I am going to be so exhausted that I don't want to do anything else. I know that I'm going to have to work long days and deal with a bunch of bullshit. But I'm okay with it. I'm okay with going crazy and whatnot because I know that it's worth it to me. Because being a rec leader is going to bring back the feeling I had when I was in leadership. Some days, I hated the teacher, the people, the tasks, the stress, and everything inbetween and I could have quit at any moment but I never did. I lived for the stress and complications for the end result of what each person got out of it. I will never give up on being involved. Even though I've obviously gone hiatus on it since college started.

But what does this have to do with a summer day camp job? It has EVERYTHING to do with it. When I was a part of leadership, I did it so people would love our school. Maybe appreciate it. Maybe enjoy it more. The list goes on. It goes the same for day camp, I want these kids to have a good time and to be happy. Although their parents might be busy with work and can't look after them, they have something to do. After writing my paper about consumerism and working families, this is JUST what I want and would love to do to prevent it. I want to prevent kids from feeling neglected and look to other means of fun. I want them to know that they have somewhere to turn to. That someone cares, that compassion DOES still exist in our soceity.


I don't know how or when I became so inspirational-like. Or well, try to. I just want to contribute to the world.

I hope blogspot mobile works for me. I want spring break, NOW.

Ahhhhh there's no song!

Anyways, I'm alive guys. This quarter has been tough and crazy but I'm finally at a state where I'm carefree.

This my best efforts of blogging because I fail! I have to write a paper I haven't started that's due at 11am for my conference with my professor. Good job, Tammy. Whateverrr.

6th? 7th? all nighter in the past three weeks? Hahahaaaa