Now I'm where I wanna be, come co-pilot with me

The Dream - Walkin' On the Moon

I like this song. Then again I like all the songs I post about..

Two days into the week and I can already feel that it's going to be a good week. Yesterday, I decided to skip Managerial and sleep in. Before I went back to sleep, I texted one of my group mates to ask if we got our midterms back. I've been so anxious since last Wednesday to find out my grade since I stayed up til 5am to study so it was AWESOMEEEEE when I found out that I got a 90% on it. :) Especially since I got a D on the first midterm. Today, I was late for my IS class so I didn't go and to just go over the stuff we went in class from my apt. Checked my grade and found out that I got an 83% on my midterm. Not bad considering I didn't really study but I was bummed since I got a 95% on the first. Whatever, doing pretty well this quarter and I've never been happier about it.

Not the mention, today is OUR three. It's not really big deal but whatever, I've technically never "officially" been in a relationship for a full month. Hah, it's weird and complicated but whatever things are good and we're happy and that's all that matters. And I know that I just used "and" too many times in the sentence but I don't care. Hiii person-with-the-same-initials-as-Cal-Poly! I know you like it when I directly address you in my posts. I hope you like your surprise and the shoes :)

This weekend is Big/Little revealing then Thanks-for-giving Banquet and I'm soooo EXCITED! I think I feel this way because it was this time last year that I joined TVSA. I hecka joined last minute and everything and still got an awesomeeee big who I'm pretty close with now. :) Looking back, I've gone such a long way the past year and met such good people through this club. I'll save that little speech for later but I'm still excited! I feel bad that both of Asis' littles are bailing on him but it's okay, my family will adopt him!

HI ASIS! KICK SOME LINEAR ASS!

8 DAYS TIL THANKSGIVING BREAK :D

I'm missing parts, now that you've told me everything

Saosin - Voices

I wish I knew why I'm so fascinated by organization, computers, and simplicity. Then again, the combination of those three might as well be a straight up oxymoron. We all also know that I pretend to be a nerd at heart. If only I was, it'd be too awesome. Then again, Jarrel considers mine and Clarenz's MBP Parties as us "bonding" as a couple, hah.

As hard as it may be living 200 miles away from home, my mom, Tuan, and my boyfriend, this place is beginning to be my concrete home. If I could I would kidnap them and have them here with me whenever I wanted. Too bad the world doesn't work that way. Does that make me selfish? For some reason when I'm here, I still feel like a kid, or well a college student and all that. But at home, I feel like I'm a grown ass adult takin' care of business everyday. I'm not necessarily complaining about my life, just analyzing how I live a different life at each place.

Knocked Up was on E! today. They've been talking about that shit all over tv and radio.

Alison: You're a sweet guy, right?

Ben: I think I am. Yeah.

Alison: Don't fuck me over, okay?

Ben: I wouldn't do that. I'm-- Just so you know, I'm the guy girls fuck over. I'm that guy. So you don't fuck me over. Okay?

Alison: Okay.

HI #JD! HI RG!

OH YEAH. There's some gnarly winds out right now, feels like a fucking tornado! :(

And now I walk around without care

Justin Sexiest-Man-Alive Timberlake - Lovedstoned

Every time I want to blog, I go through my iTunes on shuffle until I find a song I feel like listening to. Usually, iTunes likes me and gives me a song that I blog to. Today, that didn't happen but I love JT so I don't give a fuck. :)

These past few days, I've wanting to blog so much but all this damn studying is getting in the way. One midterm down, another exam tomorrow and I'll be done for the week. This weekend is tea making, Hot Librarian & Nerd Party, CultureFest, and homework!

Is it just me or is everywhere I'm reading, there always seems to be something about feminism or how women are so freaking "independent" or whatever? Okay, I just realized I sound like a total guy saying it but reallllly dude? Yes, we know women shouldn't need men to take care of them and make them happy and whatnot but is all this constant preaching really necessary? Just be whatever, you don't need to announce to the world what you are. I mean, if you do then doesn't that mean you need it to be said to know that you are? I'm so fucked up but I honestly don't get it. In contrast, what about everyone and their moms being a princess and deserve all the damn spoiling? MY BAD! Fine, I'm the only girl with a bunch of older brothers and I'm spoiled rotten. But why do you need to expect others to look at at as if you're hellllla independent or deserve to be spoiled cause you're a "princess"? I really don't get it. Can someone explain that to me please? Thank you :)

SLOlife has been busy. TVSA, CSA, & ISA keep me so busy on top of 16 units. Oh well, it'll be worth it. I made fried rice a week or two ago. I told AAsis I'd keep my word and I did and he ate it and didn't die.

I'm so weird, I'm gonna shut up now. Back to studying!

And I've always lived like this keeping a comfortable, distance

and up until now I had sworn to myself to that I was content

Paramore - The Only Exception

It was worth putting the rest of the lyrics.

I hate the fact that I always have to plan out how I want to update. I wish I wasn't so damn OCD and could just get on here, type whatever that's on my mind and click "Publish Post". Instead, I have to go back and forth making sure I said everything I had to say and that every little detail is accurate.

Dear Tammy,

You're such a retard.

Love,
Tammy

Anyhow, I'm more than ecstatic to go home tomorrow. Then again, my bitchy ass self has only been gone barely 2 weeks. I lovelovelove this place but fuck, SLO keeps me sooo busy now. I'm not gonna lie, I like being so occupied but when it comes to midterms seasons, I'm fucked.

Then again, it's college. I'm supposed to go through all this suffering and hate my life. I gotta do AAA proud and live it up with him and everyone else this year.

If I know us, we will.

All I know you make me feel like six million dollars, star tonight

Tamia Ft. Talib Kweli - Officially Missing You

Asis has usually been the one the has kept me on my feet with blogging. I thought I was getting better but I slacked off again. I've been so preoccupied with things here and there that I started to neglect this thing again. I need to be do a better job. Oh well, at least my last few weeks of summer were spent well. :)

Everyone already knows where I'm going with this update. It's 1:20am, on a school night and I'm still up NOT doing my assignment. Fall Quarter/2009-2010 at Cal Poly has officially begun! Asis and I used to always have the longest conversations of how epic our 2nd year would be living in Poly Canyon; it's finally here! It's only right if I make this a lame update about every little aspect of my life since it's been that long, hah.

I have awesome roommates. :) Too bad I've been so busy with going back and forth between home and here, TVSA, classes, and breathing that I've barely spent a solid 30 minutes hanging out with them. I love the location of my apartment even though it is far from everything else. It's so much more quiet and we don't have to deal with the plaza fuss. Canyon Circle Parking Structure is literally across from our apartment. Oh yeah, our apartment is on the first floor so it's easy access when we get groceries and whatnot. :) DID I MENTION THAT THIS IS MY FIRST PRIVATE ROOM EVER?! YUP! It's actually pretty lonely because I've never had my own room before but I'm slowly getting used to sleeping in a room by myself. How did I manage to forget how mellow SLO was and what it was like to have a stable place to come home to at night.

Of courseee it's awesome to see the homies again. Hah, I said homies. Pretty much got reunited with the TVSA crew/siblings, Asis, Dumb & Dumber (Tony & Derek), drunk homie, and everyone. I just haven't had the chance to REALLY hang out with my big or Tiff yet. :( For some reason, life in SLO always seems like such a (pleasant) routine. Class, breaks, hanging out, doing nothing, and great company. I have a horrible tendency to always express how much I love this town and that Home is such a burden to me. But at the end of the day, my heart is always gonna be at Home. I love the friends that I'm still friends with today, post- high school. All of us have changed and (hopefully) grown as a person yet nothing is going to convince me that if it's unlikely that I'm still going to be friends with these people in a few years. Nothing can prevent me from firmly believing in effort and perseverance. I miss #JG, #JD, RG, JG, and AN every day.

I'm struggling more than ever adjusting to being in my first "long distance" relationship (not to mention my second actual relationship). If anyone knows me and my "philosophy" of life and everything in between, I don't believe in long distance relationships. I have this pessimistic perspective that is always going to question and have doubts for everything. While going over the introduction of Sociology today, my professor explained how we need to think like a peanut head. Yeah, peanut head? WTF?! He meant peanut head in a sense that we have to question everything we are told and everything we think we know. How do we know what we know? How do our peers know what they know? He basically told us that he used to not believe in certain ideals and when he did, he questioned himself why he was ever against it. You can say it made me realize that I never had the right to discourage peoples' decisions to be in a long distance relationship. Scientific research has proven that long distance relationships are bound to fail. (Courtesy of Psychology class last Spring.) But just because other people have failed in these relationships doesn't quite mean that my relationship is going to fail. I have strong opinions and strive to prove peoples' doubts wrong. For all I know, science and the odds are all against me but too-fucking-bad cause it's not stopping me. Clarenz Posadas<3

PS. I miss you, creep!

So maybe this update really did end up being about me missing people and babbling like always.

Baby won't you come and take this pain away

Diddy - Last Night

Hahahah, I put the randomest songs ever. I promise it's allll iTunes' shuffle. Maybe I'll babble about the song a little, yeah? Yes? Okay! Do you really need someone to take your pain away? Can't you do it yourself? I know I've been bitter and all but this is all out of my attempts of being realistic. Cmon guys, it's called independence. Blah blah blah. I don't know whatever. I like hearing this song on shuffle. :) ANYHOW! That wasn't even the effin reason I wanted to blog.

I wanted to blog because it is finals week, dun dun DUN. Why do I sound so optimistic and jittery? I think I'm losing it, it might be true. Whatever, I did pretty decent on my Psych final and I'm happy about that. Too bad that's one of my smallest worries. I'm soooooo fucked for Micro, oh well. Gotta get studying after this post. Shit, I need to start packing too.

Ever since I came here, I think I've grown a great level of independence-ish. Kindof. Not so much in the level of like negative, you know? More like being able to take care of myself and take problems on head-on. Most of the time that is. I thought I said I was a work in progress? Still progressing and will be forever and ever and ever. I really hope that people know that I'm not as pessimistic and a broken wreck as I often make it seem. I'm not that bad. Just trying to get by day by day and pursuit my goals and dreams.

Don't tell anyone this, but I'm a bit sad to leave SLO. It's my sanctuary from the ridiculous things going on at home.

Ew, thanks for effin up the quality BlogSpot :(

Little darling the smiles returning to the faces

The Beatles - Here Comes the Sun

I'm ashamed of myself for being so behind lately. Good thing I've added some random ones here and there from the mobile. There are 5 weeks left in this quarter and I'll be done with my first year of college. Boy does time fly. Spring quarter has done me extremely well! That makes me more than happy. TVSA has kept me on my toes and brought me close to a great group of people. Speaking of.. I would like to introduce you to the Thai-Vietnamese Student Association's 2009/2010 Board (+plus Christine :P)


Goodness, I love fighting and bickering with this people. We act like siblings, get drunk together, and everything in between. It's our differences that bring us closer together :) General meeting today, fuck. I need to do some type of website mock to show them, uh oh!

OH YEAH! I'm alive, wooooo!

I toss and turn, I keep stressing my mind

Kid Cudi - Day 'N Nite

It's April. A new month. A new quarter. And as some may put it, a new start. The last notable time I had a new entry was the beginning of last quarter when I informed everyone about my status of Academic Probation. I am proud to say that I raised a 1.2 GPA to 2.1 cumulative and no longer on Academic Probation :) I SURVIVED THE HARDEST QUARTER I'VE HAD YET! I'm happy happy about it. It was a crazy roller coaster and things are only going to get worse.

When I think about it, last quarter was ridiculous because I made it ridiculous. There are many things I could have done to prevent it but I didn't. Everything is a learning experience though, right? RIGHT. So for this new quarter, I'm proud to say that I think I'm going to be okay. I'm going to MAKE it okay. No more tossin' and turnin' at night for me. Honestly though, I went to bed every night worried and freaking out. For one of the seven papers I wrote last quarter, I wrote about how sleep works and was told that in order to get a good night's sleep, one should go to bed with little worries and a clear mind. All the stress made me toss and turn at night. The constant worries for the 7am classes and the papers I had to write. It was a terrifying but learning experience.

I've told myself and others this many times but I've never been able to listen to myself. I'm a firm believer that a good portion of the time, people live the life they want. Does that remind anyone of The Wedding Date? "Everyone has the love life they want." Why my explanation, though? Because through the toughest times and whatnot, it's our own choice of how to cope with it. Whether it be avoiding the situation or facing it head on. In the end, it's MY decision. So why did I choose such horrible ways to deal with it? You live and you learn..

I hate sounding so preacher-ish. Sometimes I'm pretty sure I'm saying these things because it's my way of telling myself things in my head. And maybe saying it "outloud" on here helps? Anyhow, it's a new quarter and I'm going to relax and chill these time around. Get my shit done but do it in a more subtle manner so I don't kill myself. Take it easy because stressing only deprives of more sleep :(

My fingers are crossed and I have high hopes. It should count for something, yeah?

I'll be your goal for high expect the best cause you're nothin' like the rest

Colby O'Donis - Sophisticated Bad Girl

Okay, it's time for me to blog! Sorry AAsis, I've disappointed you. :( Anyhow, I think I know where to start. So, I came home on Wednesday and have been doing nothing ever since. Actually, I had a Rec Leader interview yesterday but it didn't go the way I wanted it to go.

I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be. It kills me that it didn't because I knew I would love this job. Jon Kawada asked me why I would be the best for the position, why me instead of everyone else. I knew this question was going to come, I practically anticipated it. I ended up answering around it and not simply getting to the point because at that moment, I had no idea. My head has been everything lately that I didn't know why I was fit for the job I've wanted for so long. I went home and cooked lunch and whatnot for my siblings and thought about it nonstop. At last, I finally knew my answer.

I should be a Recreation Leader because I know for a fact that I'm better than some of the other applicants and Rec Leaders. Why? Because for some of them, it's just an easy job and looks good on their resume. I want to be a rec leader because I know the job will be more difficult than I think. It's going to change my life. I know that at the end of the day, I am going to be so exhausted that I don't want to do anything else. I know that I'm going to have to work long days and deal with a bunch of bullshit. But I'm okay with it. I'm okay with going crazy and whatnot because I know that it's worth it to me. Because being a rec leader is going to bring back the feeling I had when I was in leadership. Some days, I hated the teacher, the people, the tasks, the stress, and everything inbetween and I could have quit at any moment but I never did. I lived for the stress and complications for the end result of what each person got out of it. I will never give up on being involved. Even though I've obviously gone hiatus on it since college started.

But what does this have to do with a summer day camp job? It has EVERYTHING to do with it. When I was a part of leadership, I did it so people would love our school. Maybe appreciate it. Maybe enjoy it more. The list goes on. It goes the same for day camp, I want these kids to have a good time and to be happy. Although their parents might be busy with work and can't look after them, they have something to do. After writing my paper about consumerism and working families, this is JUST what I want and would love to do to prevent it. I want to prevent kids from feeling neglected and look to other means of fun. I want them to know that they have somewhere to turn to. That someone cares, that compassion DOES still exist in our soceity.


I don't know how or when I became so inspirational-like. Or well, try to. I just want to contribute to the world.

Ahhhhh there's no song!

Anyways, I'm alive guys. This quarter has been tough and crazy but I'm finally at a state where I'm carefree.

This my best efforts of blogging because I fail! I have to write a paper I haven't started that's due at 11am for my conference with my professor. Good job, Tammy. Whateverrr.

6th? 7th? all nighter in the past three weeks? Hahahaaaa

And so I'm sailing through the sea to an island where we'll meet

Jason Mraz Ft. Colbie Caillat - Lucky

There are so many things I always plan to blog about. When I'm on my way back from class, on my way to class, sitting around, in the shower, all the time. I even plan it out to the exact words I want to say. As you can tell, I never follow through on it. The words sound so right in my head but once I sit down and begin to type, all I can see is an empty text box. I need to try harder to get all of my thoughts out somewhere.

I've got to hand it to Apple, I love Genius on iTunes. Especially when I'm tired of listening to the same playlist and want to hear something different. My favorite is when songs I used to listen to all the time come on, it's like a pleasant surprise. For instance, the song that I just added on here today. I swear it has no real meeting or relation to me. I love Jason Mraz and songs like these that randomly just stick out to me when I listen to them are great. Plus, it's cute :)

I babble. I love it.

This might be the reason why I'm blogging right now. In fact, it's the purpose of this blogspot in general. I know I'm not alone when I say this but who doesn't hate the question "What do you want to be when you grow up"? Needless to say, I'm at that age where this question shapes my future and everyone feels as if they need to know their answer or else they can't move on with their lives. Anyways, I don't know where I'm going with this. Actually, I do know, I know exactly where I'm going.

There are so many career goals I want in my life. Is it wrong for me to want to do/try so many things? In elementary school when our teacher would do a spotlight student of the week, I had always said that I wanted to be a teacher. I never knew why. But by the time I reached middle school, I thought that was the worst idea I've ever had. I'm pretty sure it's because when I would tell people that when I was younger they would tell me how little pay was and whatnot. When middle school rolled around, I started to get into web/graphic designing. The language spoke to me and I understood it so well, I was good at it. I believed so until my freshmen year when I realized I lacked creativity. No, I know I lack creativity because that light bulb never went off for me. I had the skill to do all of it but I realized that I wouldn't be able to ever enjoy designing if I was forced to come up with ideas. Eventually, Leadership came around and I knew I was in love.

I was in love with being involved, the lack of sleep, and everything that had to do with it. I dedicated all my time in the world to it. I could hardly think of how many conferences I've gone to. Everyone knew how much I was into Leadership dispite all my bitching. It was MY thing whether or not I was good at it. As crazy as it drove me, the thought of quitting NEVER went through my head. That's where Business came for me, they were almost similar. I wanted to do something where I could be around people and something about Business was appealing to me. (I didn't realized Business was known as the major of the undecided until this past summer.) Because of Youth Commission and being around Rich and the guys so much, I even wanted to minor or in Recreation so I could end up working with people. Then something about this summer and meeting/talking to Jackie made me realize something about myself..

Teaching. I want to teach. High school. Seniors especially. I already know that people are asking me if I'm crazy. I don't know why. I want to teach so bad. I want to be the Ms. Anderson, the Liao, the Burton, the Tolomei, the Masylar, the Cole. I want to be the teacher all the students were comfortable talking with. I want to be what Ms. A and Liao were to me. They helped me get here at Cal Poly, literally. Everything that I went through, I had them there with me. I was able to just go sit in their room for hours and just chat to them about stuff. Our counseling at Santa Clara pretty much sucked ass like any other school. And as ridiculous as this sounds, I'm pretty sure I want to help students. (I'm beginning to not make sense.) This is where I begin to start wanting so many things..

I still want to do Business especially after taking Accounting here at Cal Poly. I've learned that so many accountants love their job and when took the course, it was extremely interesting to me. Don't get me wrong, it was quite a rigirous course to take during my first quarter of college. But I enjoyed it. I still want to do management and am leaning towards Information Systems because I like that whole thing. I want to do all these things with my life and still be a teacher. BA in Business. MBA from SCU has been my goal since I got here and now, CPA from there too. I want my teachings cridental from here or Santa Clara or SJSU. I don't know wants gotten into me.

This is so deadly for me to say but sometimes I wish I was an engineer major. Something about the sound of that fasicinates and intrigues me. What makes me wonder is if I would really be interested in this or is it just the thought of it being fasicinating and different what intrigues me?

I'm so weird. This is getting super long but at least I've gotten to say it on here.

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret

Yellowcard - One Year Six Months

Since forever, I've been wanting so bad to blog and blog and blog because I like to blog. It's just that it takes me so long. I walk back from class, think in the shower, even plan out what I'm going to blog about before I go to bed. Common sense would say "what the hell Tammy, if you need or want to blog then do it" but we all know my mind does not work that way. I want to be able to sit and just write. I don't want to be one of those people that just blog when they're angry to vent. That's stupid. So I'm here to prove me wrong!

I'm so weird sometimes. I mean, who needs to have the "perfect" song to blog to? Haha. Like straight up sit here and press next on my iTunes until I find the right song to blog to. What the hell, man.

Today was my meeting with the Yosemite CSD (Coordinator of Student ). It was definitely no big D at all! (It seems like none of us say NBD anymore. As if it were so "high school" now or something.) Basically, the reason I had to meet with her was because I, Tammy Nguyen, is on AP! She just asked me questions and wanted to assure that I'm okay. The usual basic protocol stuff. Oh yees, you know it isn't Advanced Placement but instead Academic Probation. It really isn't that bad at all, it's just because I withdrew from my English class because I never went and was always sick. No lectures necessary. My professor and I spoke about it and she understand so we decided to set up a plan that it was before me to withdraw, then retake it this quarter. That's exactly what I'm doing.

In a sense, I'm sort of glad that I am on AP. Who would be glad of such a thing? It's not like I don't have enough drive as a person but AP is definitely helping me concentrate more. I'm getting my shit together and nothing is stopping me. :) As ridiculous as it sounds, I got to the point where I said to myself "Fuck this. No fun til I get my act together." But I'm glad my first weekend back was as fun as it was and I'm still for the most part on track with school. I've been spending a lot of time in the library yet again. All of this just shows how amazing the feeling accomplishment is.

By the time finals rolled around last quarter, I was basically failing both of my classes. My Accounting partner fucked me over so bad on our comprehensive problem that I had to do super well on my final to even pass that class. As for Business Stats, I did all the homework and failed all of the exams so that wasn't too good either. I needed a 78% on the final to move onto the next section of stats. How the hell can I get that high of a grade when I couldn't even pass the exams I studied my little off for? I ended up studying almost 30 hours of the final, literally. The day of the final came around and I took it with great confidence because I realized I practically knew everything! I spent about 20 hours studying for Accounting and took the final a little puzzled because I didn't know some of the ratio formulas. For a good month, all I saw in my head were stats equations and accounting journalization. In the end, I got a 83% on my Stats Final and a 76% on my Accounting final. I passed both classes with C's but the withdraw fucked up my GPA :\

I'm doing it right this quarter. Dean's List, here I come! No joke. I hope. Or maybe a 3.0 would be lovely :)

It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget..

And as we lay beneath the stars, we realize how small we are

If Everyone Cared - Nickelback

I never know where to start. I told myself I would never ever ever ever ever EVER again let this thought ever fall into my little head. I SWORE TO MYSELF. If I did so then why in the world am I even thinking about the possibly of transferring to SJSU? NO SJSU, NO FUCKING SJSU. I've told myself this since day one that I wouldn't go there. Not that I have anything against or anything considering it is a great school for business and a teachings credential but I don't want to do it that way. Possibly just how I am because I love where I'm at right now and I don't want to hold regrets of going there because I had to handle family responsibilities that the could have easily done themselves. Call me selfish, bitchy, self-centered for doing this but I refuse to have it all on my plate when they are capable of doing it themselves. I have never met such guys who are supposed to be grown ass MEN with so little responsibility. Like seriously, are you kidding me? The reason I am here at Cal Poly, in college is so that thing would get better in the long run and take care of my mom. But how the hell am I going to ever have the sanity to do such a thing if these guys are going to eventually stress/overwhelm her health away? SERIOUSLY GUYS, SERIOUSLY? I'm 190 miles away and still have to do your responsibilities for you all. This is ridiculous, it really is. Yeah, let's have the baby do the babysitting for everyone around here.

Ugh, angry posts are definitely not my favorite and I usually try my best to refrain from them because I know I'm just babbling anger. But this time around, I'm pretty sure I've felt this way for some time now.

what. the. fuck.

ALEXANDER ASIS

HI :) I did it, I gave in..

I want to blog here. I don't know why but I do. Being in college, I'm pretty sure a good amount of people would have to admit that we live double lives trying to balance our home life and college life. Xanga most definitely feels like my home life and BlogSpot will be my college life. I've been wanting to blog for so long and I feel like Xanga has this hold over me that I will never be able to let go of. Don't get me wrong, I'm on it every day and want to blog so much and I can't. I wish I knew why but I've sworn that I will never abandon it even though I have here and there over the past few years.

I think this might be the start of something good..