It's been 1 year, 4 days since I've been with this blog. I was with Xanga since middle school and my most active one since 2004 and I thought it was time for something else. I should have been strong enough to stick with one but I felt that I was at a stage in my life where things were going different directions. Lots of thanks goes to the person that knows me the most at Cal Poly, Alex Asis for encouraging me to make a BlogSpot.
For the first time in years, I tried to blog everything that was on my mind and this has been my biggest success. When Clarenz and I first started talking frequently again (after many years that is..), he asked if I liked to write because I blog a lot. That was the first time anyone has ever asked me that and for some reason, the question caught me by surprise. Throughout my education, I've never quite been the best writer and had a hard time putting my thoughts into words. When I began blogging here, I was still having a difficult time knowing what to write about and constantly wanted to perfect it. But as time progressed, I just started posting from my phone every time something was on my mind and expressing what was on my mind go easier.
On to more important things, I figured it'd be nice to update myself and the less than a handful of people that read this of how much my life has changed since I started blogging here..
My family went through a lot when I left for college and during this time last year. I used to live with my mom, Tuan and Tim. At that time, Tim and I were on the rocks here and there, Tuan and Tim weren't on speaking terms for over a year, and my mom started having a gambling problem thanks to Tim's drama. I've never publicly told people about it til now. When my dad left the 4 of us when I was in 4th grade, we still lived in the house with low income, section 8, assistance. Shortly after I left, he decided to move to Vietnam with his mistress of 14 years and my 1 year old sister. This meant that my family had to move out of the infamous Forbes house soon. It was the hardest time of my life thus far, I was constantly calling Lena in tears about not knowing what to do, furious, lost, and just wanting to leave SLO. It was so hard to hold myself together, I kept telling myself that none of this would have gotten out of control if I didn't leave. Every single day, I was gambling with transferring to San Jose State. My heart broke more and more every day to the point where I was sick for about 75% of Fall quarter. When I was home, I was always out partying and drunk every other night because I couldn't bare how depressed it was at home.
Today, I'm still attending Cal Poly and my family problems are always going to be there. We officially left Forbes in August, Tuan moved out in May to live with his pregnant girlfriend, and Tim moved to SD to live with his friends. My mom and I? We're living in a tiny little room we rented out of some strangers house my mom found in the Vietnamese ads. The only time I'm in this room is when I'm here to sleep for a few hours or else I'm working, out, or at Clarenz's. My relationship with Tim went downhill and I try to avoid talking to him as much as I can. I miss my brothers and I being the 3 T's more than ever. At least my mom doesn't have her gambling problem anymore. I'm no longer the girl in the green house on Forbes anymore (One Tree Hill, BDavis reference)
All of the family problems made me lose pretty much all focus in school which led to a horrible start to my college career. I had withdrew from a class in the Fall and was on Academic Probation for Winter quarter because of my 1.8 GPA. I lived in the library almost every day for a quarter and a half trying to crawl out of the hole I dug myself. Some days, I'd be so stressed I couldn't even get out of bed to go to class. I worked so hard every single day and barely earned Cs. All the all-nighters were not paying off at all, I kept asking myself why I couldn't get the hang of it. It's not like I party or anything when I was in SLO. Every night, I fell asleep worried, tossing and turning. I even quoted Kid Cudi last year.
This past quarter, I worked my butt off as always but I wasn't as hard on myself this time around even though I needed to raise my GPA in order to rush for Delta Sigma Pi. All the hard work paid off and I was understanding everything I was doing, I managed to raise my cumulative GPA from a 2.3 to a 2.6. I GOT MY FIRST 3.0+ EVER IN COLLEGE. It was my goal since I was on AP and it took me 3 quarters but I got it. :) I'm eligible to rush for Delta Sig, the professional business fraternity now. dafighkladgoadg I'm so happy inside about it, I keep telling myself I did it. I told myself I couldn't spoil myself with anything until I earn it and I finally did it! Too bad I don't have money to spoil myself, that's a different story.
In addition to all of that, I was still struggling to get over an ugly break up. Two weeks before my high school graduation, I was cheated on (I don't give a fuck if he said we were nothing, he's a damn liar) and still went to prom with the damn bastard. I even wanted to be his friend and everything and we thought we were okay. Nonetheless, he deceived me for my money and my compassion. For some reason, I always blamed myself for everything and as Trang would say, all the bad outweighed the good. How the hell could I be broken for so long over someone that would do all that to me? On the day I participated in Every 15 Minutes, he broke my thousand dollar deck in my car, poured water all over my leather seats, trashed my car, and slammed my door against the car next to it. The next day, he told me he missed me like nothing happened. When I confronted him, he told me it was because I pissed him off, I forgave him and lied to my family about what happened. I was damn stupid. I was broken over someone that did that to me because I thought the good outweighed the bad, it didn't. I thought he was a good person inside.
This past summer, I got back in contact with one of my old friends I'd known since we were in middle school even though we went to different schools. We used to talk a lot back then and I had a crush on him sometime at the beginning of high school, hah. I've been with Clarenz for a little over 4 months now, I know it's not that long but it seems so much longer since we've known each other for a while. For the first time, I'm being taken care of and I don't always have to be the one that takes fault for everything. I don't know exactly what it is and where this is going but I know that I'm happy and things are good even if it's long distance.
That's pretty much the main gist of everything that this blog had he endure this past year. I'd like to say that I've made some great progress with my life :) Looking back, things aren't so bad after all. I feel a bit better inside now.
I don't know who would really read all of that but if any of you did, you're crazy. If you did, thank you :) Treat yourself to some smiles and laughs by watching 50 First Dates again. If you haven't watched it at all, you're missing out on life.
Loved this one. Kudos. :) Miss you.
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