Happy December

9 days til 4, 10 days til I'm home, 18 days til Clarenz' 20th Birthday, 25 days til Christmas

I feel stupid for feeling this way but every time this happens, I'm afraid that it's going to turn out the way it did before. That it isn't just a little fight that it might be the last straw like last time.

I feel stupid for carrying around this worried feeling I'm gonna be replaced by something "better" again, I wish I knew why I'm constantly worried about stupid little girls from the past. Okay more like the recent ones..especially since they're nice and pretty and more affectionate. -_-

I'm trying really hard to not be insecure but it's hard knowing that there've been so many before. Let alone, not long before me. I know I'm talking nonsense but dakfbgadg fuck.

On another topic, why the hell do I feel like those annoying ass people that constantly bitch about how lonely they are when they're the one pushing people away? In this case, I'm pretty much referring to how I'm more and more discouraged of the holiday season this year. I have every reason to be happy thanks to the awesome people in my life but I feel a huge empty piece inside that I'd like back.

PMS is never my excuse but is it a coincidence that I'm getting it soon? -_- I sound like such a fucking girl right now.

I'm okay, shut the fuck up and suck it up Tammy.