Now you'll never see what you've done to me

The All-American Rejects - Gives You Hell

Okay. "Real talk". I've never been through this much all at once in my life. But the thing is that, I've been doing a pretty decent job at hiding it as much as I can. For once, the unknown is scaring the living hell out of me. I've totally reached my all time low. I don't even know how to answer anyone's questions anymore.


You wanna know what I just realized? At this same time, exactly one year ago.. I cried my eyes out every single day. Wake up, cry, go to school, cry, come home, cry til I fall asleep, wake up cry til I asleep again, wake up do it all over again. It was also the best time of my life because that's when I found "my real friends". I don't like that I found them when I was at such a low point in my life. It sounds pathetic. Let's scratch that.. I found the funnest people to graduate with. The people that I will look back 10 years from now and giggle the way I did sitting with them that week of graduation practice. I'm not sure what I'm saying or what I'm trying to get at. One year later, I am broken into pieces and it's not about HIM. That should should be an accomplishment, yeah? Shit, what the hell. We all know I take every chance I get to NOT be broken over a boy. It's okay, we all make mistakes.

Is it sad that if I had the choice, I'd relive that week from last year to just make these weeks ago away? Yeah, it's that bad. But I keep acting like it's that bad. Maybe I'm numb. Maybe last year is the reason I don't know how to be this broken this time around.

I bet you're thinking that I'm talking about a boy though, huh? Just keep asking yourself how well you know me.

The thing is though.. I'm not that bitter?

I'm such a fucking babbler. I got off on weird ass tangents. Why do people let me blog? Geeez.