Monday, August 17, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Give me pieces, give me things to stay awake
The All-American Rejects - Dance Inside
Heard this song for the first time in months a few days ago. It was nice hearing it again. I used to hella listen to the album and when it would get to this song, I'd listen to it another 34583490 times. Hah. Thanks for putting it on the cd for me, Clarenz.
Guess it's only right for me to to make sure I make a mark of today. The last official day of living at 2530 Forbes Ave. The only address I've ever known for myself. Funny of me to say that considering it's my last day and I've been in that house for less than 12 hours today. Tracey is joining me in driving to SLO tonight to move some of my stuff down there along with Albert's mattress. I've missed the beauty and simplicity of that town. It'll be nice to be back there for a bit. I miss my Big too. She's coming back from Thailand today, YAY!
Last night, as I was dropping off the last few boxes of my belongings at different places, I just didn't know how to feel anymore. I wasn't mad. Maybe sad. But more lost and confused. Denial? Most likely. It's gonna take a bit of time but I'll be fine in no time, don't YOU worry. Isn't it convenient how I'm going to SLO this weekend too? I wasn't sure if I planned it this way intentionally but it seems like I'm running away from the reality. Too bad I'm not. Throughout the past year, I've tried with every muscle in my body to learn to be independent and fix myself when I'm down. Before, it was basically always Ralph having to be my best friend and listening to me bitch and cry all the fucking time. (Thanks RG!) I'm not pushing people away, I'm just taking care of myself. It isn't as bad as it sounds, if anything it's pretty refreshing.
Speaking of refreshing, #JD and I have been back at the gym and it's the BEST FEELING EVER. My back doesn't ache nor crack as much anymore. I love the feeling of accomplishment after leaving the gym. (With exception of our McD's rampage night.) I sleep sooooooooo well. I had so much discipline last Fall to work out and everything, going like 5-6 times/week. Gotta get back on that. Thanks #JD :)
Shits getting REAL. I'm okay, I promise. <3
Heard this song for the first time in months a few days ago. It was nice hearing it again. I used to hella listen to the album and when it would get to this song, I'd listen to it another 34583490 times. Hah. Thanks for putting it on the cd for me, Clarenz.
Guess it's only right for me to to make sure I make a mark of today. The last official day of living at 2530 Forbes Ave. The only address I've ever known for myself. Funny of me to say that considering it's my last day and I've been in that house for less than 12 hours today. Tracey is joining me in driving to SLO tonight to move some of my stuff down there along with Albert's mattress. I've missed the beauty and simplicity of that town. It'll be nice to be back there for a bit. I miss my Big too. She's coming back from Thailand today, YAY!
Last night, as I was dropping off the last few boxes of my belongings at different places, I just didn't know how to feel anymore. I wasn't mad. Maybe sad. But more lost and confused. Denial? Most likely. It's gonna take a bit of time but I'll be fine in no time, don't YOU worry. Isn't it convenient how I'm going to SLO this weekend too? I wasn't sure if I planned it this way intentionally but it seems like I'm running away from the reality. Too bad I'm not. Throughout the past year, I've tried with every muscle in my body to learn to be independent and fix myself when I'm down. Before, it was basically always Ralph having to be my best friend and listening to me bitch and cry all the fucking time. (Thanks RG!) I'm not pushing people away, I'm just taking care of myself. It isn't as bad as it sounds, if anything it's pretty refreshing.
Speaking of refreshing, #JD and I have been back at the gym and it's the BEST FEELING EVER. My back doesn't ache nor crack as much anymore. I love the feeling of accomplishment after leaving the gym. (With exception of our McD's rampage night.) I sleep sooooooooo well. I had so much discipline last Fall to work out and everything, going like 5-6 times/week. Gotta get back on that. Thanks #JD :)
Shits getting REAL. I'm okay, I promise. <3
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Wowowowowowowow
Nope, I'm not threaten at all. ..about that -_- I suddenly feel like I have everything to worry about.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Treat 'em like they don't stand a chance
Cobra Starship - Good Girls Go Bad
I feel like I only update this thing like twice a month. Pretty sure I need to more often to maintain my sanity, ha. Past few times I've come around, I've been pretty damn angry.
Clarenz told me that I'm mad like everyday and I need to not let it get to me anymore. All these things are literally driving me daghadoifgdfg. At least I'm not sitting around crying about it anymore? The things I'd give to have the 3 T's back. ANYTHING. Fuck the pride, fuck the remorse, fuck the regrets. Too bad the damage has been done and there's not much we could do about it anymore but deal.
Really though, I think I'm more sad than mad. I need to learn how to deal with all this better. Going to the gym again has helped a bit, I just need to be more consistent with it. Most people already know but I've been packing away my life since I've left for SLO. It wasn't until yesterday that I officially moved some of my stuff out of the house and into my mom's place she's staying at for a while. As I was driving to the house, I couldn't tell if I was angry at my dad, Tim and everyone for letting it come down to this or if it was because this is really happening. Guess you can say, I'm still confused on how to deal with this. I'm not the type to throw everything away and start over. I like to try to fix it and say I've given it my all. iodafhgiodg I don't know, I really don't.
I just miss my family.
And my best friend and our random ass errands of doing whatever. I'm not going anywhere.
Pretty sure I miss everything but whatever, gotta suck it up.
This isn't the end of the world. Just need to get through the day and I'll be okay.
I wish I didn't give a fuck, but YOU already know I doooooooo.
I feel like I only update this thing like twice a month. Pretty sure I need to more often to maintain my sanity, ha. Past few times I've come around, I've been pretty damn angry.
Clarenz told me that I'm mad like everyday and I need to not let it get to me anymore. All these things are literally driving me daghadoifgdfg. At least I'm not sitting around crying about it anymore? The things I'd give to have the 3 T's back. ANYTHING. Fuck the pride, fuck the remorse, fuck the regrets. Too bad the damage has been done and there's not much we could do about it anymore but deal.
Really though, I think I'm more sad than mad. I need to learn how to deal with all this better. Going to the gym again has helped a bit, I just need to be more consistent with it. Most people already know but I've been packing away my life since I've left for SLO. It wasn't until yesterday that I officially moved some of my stuff out of the house and into my mom's place she's staying at for a while. As I was driving to the house, I couldn't tell if I was angry at my dad, Tim and everyone for letting it come down to this or if it was because this is really happening. Guess you can say, I'm still confused on how to deal with this. I'm not the type to throw everything away and start over. I like to try to fix it and say I've given it my all. iodafhgiodg I don't know, I really don't.
I just miss my family.
And my best friend and our random ass errands of doing whatever. I'm not going anywhere.
Pretty sure I miss everything but whatever, gotta suck it up.
This isn't the end of the world. Just need to get through the day and I'll be okay.
I wish I didn't give a fuck, but YOU already know I doooooooo.
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