2009

January

Started the year with the girls and tons of drama. Heather and BJ, Annaika and May getting into violent fights. I was angry and bitter. Chinese New Year at home with the family. Living in the library with Asis. Spent more time with TVSA and getting off Academic Probation. Andrew Sanchez came to visit SLO. Late night bonfires at Avila during the week. Cheesecake Factory appetizer dinner with the Limun twins.

February

Late TVSA Chinese New Year dinner and spent time with my adopted Big Tiffany. Constant all nighters every week plus weekend adventures. Road trip with Tiffany and everyone to La Jolla during Valentine's Day weekend. Spent it with Morris Thai and we made french toast with fresh strawberries. :) The week after, Santa Barbara to visit Karen with our long weeks on the beach (literally). Going out on a rainy night with Tower 3 and all of us getting plastered. Late night visits from Tony and Derek in my room. Pretty much was gone every weekend that month. I liked it :)

March

Ended Winter quarter off AP. No sleep at all during dead week. Having a 1.5 week spring break. Reuniting with Santa Clara at Amanda's house and causing trouble like always. Late nights at Karen's house with Andy and Tracey. Crepe date at Tartini with JD, Joffer and Robbie. Lunch dates with Michael and Stanley. HS reunion at Park Merced in SF. Passsssssssing out that night with my favorite people. May's dinner at Hooters.

April

ATV accident in Pismo with my brothers. Almost fractured my elbow. Asis' 19th birthday. Polycultural Weekend and meet the coolest kids ever. BRITNEY SPEARS CONCERT. Ralph came to SLO to visit me for a day. Joined TVSA board. Making thai tea and selling it at Open House. Open House after party. Partied every weekend.

May

Bimmerfest in Santa Barbara. Drove to LA for some korean bbq. Shopped around Westwood. Lantern Fest. Lantern Fest after party. Pint night at Woodstocks with my B's. Other B jumping on trash cans and biting me. Brought my car to SLO. ISA Spring Banquet. TC and Derrruck flipped my room. Going to the Hue with Cousin John and Lena.

June

Tony's end of year dinner. Doing what Business kids do best = party during finals week. Tony Le threw up on me. End of Spring quarter. Driving home by myself for the first time. SCHS '09 graduation with the girls. Flying to SoCal with Trang for Lena's graduation. Recreation Leader at the Teen Center. Partying on week nights with work. Dana's big party for being sworn in as a DA. Drunk times in DTSJ with the cousins. Jiwon and Jina's birthday party with Cupertino. Jimmy's birthday dinner. Kim Hibbs' house party and the SCHS '06 reunion. Hanging out that one night at greaterest's with best friend and Karen til 4am sitting around doing nothing. Hiking in Cupertino. Getting the flu for 2 weeks. Got in a fight with Tim and he had a chair over my head about to beat my ass. Angry at life.

July

Still had the flu and angry at life. Adventures in San Mateo with Rheanna & Brian. SS'09 started. This | | close to having alcohol poisoning. Dying for 2 hours. 4th of July with SS'09. Annaika's house-sitting bbq to BJ's house to Aly's to BJ's to SC track to Justin's house to Brian's house to I honestly don't remember. Cuddling with GB. "Morning after" lunches at Sushi O Sushi with Brian. Lena's surprise birthday dinner. Late nights with Mayba and Yuekai at The Grind. Jessica's home dinner. Finally met Ronald Lim. Random adventure to Berkeley for an Alpha Sig party. Getting lost in Emeryville and Oakland. Couldn't sleep at night. Cluck's with #JD and swings. "Are you happy? With you!" Mom made a deposit on our new place. Finally watched Saw IV with RG. Someone texted me to check up on me. Got into Prison Break. Late night calls to sleep. Swimming and hot tubbing with SS'09. Showering with GB and Rheanna. Geisha nights. Best massages of my life. Girls night + Sushi + some of the boys + lots of King's Cup + getting Laila drunk because Butch is gone + 150 pictures. Ralph's extravaganza. Dinner at Gordon Biersch. Pregaming the pregame. Britney in Ralph's car with Sam and Karen. Photo shoot. The start of something good. Buzzed laser tagging. Adventure in SF from Ocean Beach with gays to Castro St with more gays. Kidnapping 16 year olds and getting him plastered. Late night hang outs til 5am doing aboslutely nothing. First time clubbing at Fuze. GB and I finishing a bottle of jager on our own. Matt Nathanson at Music in the Park with the girls. Chugging wine did us dirty. @jgleit killed @killaklarenz.

August

Not so angry and drunk anymore :) More late night hang outs til 5am doing absolutely nothing. Partying at Park Merced Round 2. Introducing dumb and dumber to SC :) SC to Fremont to SF to Fremont to SC by 4am. Teen Center job ended. Matthew's 2nd birthday. "She's my girlfriend." 10. 2 Day trip to SLO with Tracy. Partying with randoms and Albert and crashing at his friend's house. Drunk guys wrestling. Officially moving out of Forbes. Random bbq with SK, Mayba and everyone. Connect four at Red Mango. Scrabble at PB.

September

More late nights :) Nonstop Smallville marathon. Seestars dinner at Macaroni Grill. Went back to Abercrombie for 2 weeks. Weekend in SLO with Clarenz. Moved into my apartment. Spent my last few days at home with Clarenz. Block Party! Back to Sexy House parties. Fall quarter started. The beginning of long distance. 19th birthday. Roomies surprised me at midnight. My bigs tried to surprise me with cake, candles, and flowers but dropped the cake on my front door :( Driving back and forth from SLO to the Bay like 5 imes.

October

Ultra Man shirt making, TEAM YELLOW! Margarita night at B's. Ultra Man at Pismo Beach. Got so fucked up I couldn't make it to my own party. Failed at going shot for shot with Asis. Birthday dinner at Claim Jumper with seestars and their boyfriends. Picked my little for TVSA. Culturefest. Baking with baked B. Movie night with Tammy. Last minute trip home to take care of SwineBoy<3

November

INO run with the gang. BP and then some with B and Albert. Hiked Bishop's Peak. Cooking with the roomies. Clarenz's surprise package. TVSA Revealing. Thanks-for-giving Banquet. Extended Thanksgiving break. Finally seeing Devin. Landon's 1 month and reuniting with my babies. Thanks for TNF boyfriend!

December

Nonstop studying all day every day. TVSA Secret Santa dinner. Asis was my SS and he got my Doug season 1! Doug party and INO run with Albert and B. End of Fall quarter. Lots and lots of shopping with my love. random hang outs with Clarenz & Fitz. Back at Abercrombie. December birthdays' dinner. Marsh Road, Super Walmart. Clarenz's 19th Birthday. Burgers and oysters. Worked Christmas Eve and spent the night watching Landon with Mom. Christmas lunch with Mom and Tuan. Christmas night with Clarenz, Charity, Jarrel, Nino, and Kim playing Catch Phrase. More oysters and had a board game day with Fitz, Maricris, Ben, JG, Charity, Jarrel and Matthew. Lots of watching Landon. Late Christmas dinner with my seestars. Clarenz and I took one another out, kinda :) Spending NYE with my favorites!

This Christmas I just wanna feel something.

December 14, 2008 - This is a long one.

It's been 1 year, 4 days since I've been with this blog. I was with Xanga since middle school and my most active one since 2004 and I thought it was time for something else. I should have been strong enough to stick with one but I felt that I was at a stage in my life where things were going different directions. Lots of thanks goes to the person that knows me the most at Cal Poly, Alex Asis for encouraging me to make a BlogSpot.

For the first time in years, I tried to blog everything that was on my mind and this has been my biggest success. When Clarenz and I first started talking frequently again (after many years that is..), he asked if I liked to write because I blog a lot. That was the first time anyone has ever asked me that and for some reason, the question caught me by surprise. Throughout my education, I've never quite been the best writer and had a hard time putting my thoughts into words. When I began blogging here, I was still having a difficult time knowing what to write about and constantly wanted to perfect it. But as time progressed, I just started posting from my phone every time something was on my mind and expressing what was on my mind go easier.

On to more important things, I figured it'd be nice to update myself and the less than a handful of people that read this of how much my life has changed since I started blogging here..

My family went through a lot when I left for college and during this time last year. I used to live with my mom, Tuan and Tim. At that time, Tim and I were on the rocks here and there, Tuan and Tim weren't on speaking terms for over a year, and my mom started having a gambling problem thanks to Tim's drama. I've never publicly told people about it til now. When my dad left the 4 of us when I was in 4th grade, we still lived in the house with low income, section 8, assistance. Shortly after I left, he decided to move to Vietnam with his mistress of 14 years and my 1 year old sister. This meant that my family had to move out of the infamous Forbes house soon. It was the hardest time of my life thus far, I was constantly calling Lena in tears about not knowing what to do, furious, lost, and just wanting to leave SLO. It was so hard to hold myself together, I kept telling myself that none of this would have gotten out of control if I didn't leave. Every single day, I was gambling with transferring to San Jose State. My heart broke more and more every day to the point where I was sick for about 75% of Fall quarter. When I was home, I was always out partying and drunk every other night because I couldn't bare how depressed it was at home.

Today, I'm still attending Cal Poly and my family problems are always going to be there. We officially left Forbes in August, Tuan moved out in May to live with his pregnant girlfriend, and Tim moved to SD to live with his friends. My mom and I? We're living in a tiny little room we rented out of some strangers house my mom found in the Vietnamese ads. The only time I'm in this room is when I'm here to sleep for a few hours or else I'm working, out, or at Clarenz's. My relationship with Tim went downhill and I try to avoid talking to him as much as I can. I miss my brothers and I being the 3 T's more than ever. At least my mom doesn't have her gambling problem anymore. I'm no longer the girl in the green house on Forbes anymore (One Tree Hill, BDavis reference)

All of the family problems made me lose pretty much all focus in school which led to a horrible start to my college career. I had withdrew from a class in the Fall and was on Academic Probation for Winter quarter because of my 1.8 GPA. I lived in the library almost every day for a quarter and a half trying to crawl out of the hole I dug myself. Some days, I'd be so stressed I couldn't even get out of bed to go to class. I worked so hard every single day and barely earned Cs. All the all-nighters were not paying off at all, I kept asking myself why I couldn't get the hang of it. It's not like I party or anything when I was in SLO. Every night, I fell asleep worried, tossing and turning. I even quoted Kid Cudi last year.

This past quarter, I worked my butt off as always but I wasn't as hard on myself this time around even though I needed to raise my GPA in order to rush for Delta Sigma Pi. All the hard work paid off and I was understanding everything I was doing, I managed to raise my cumulative GPA from a 2.3 to a 2.6. I GOT MY FIRST 3.0+ EVER IN COLLEGE. It was my goal since I was on AP and it took me 3 quarters but I got it. :) I'm eligible to rush for Delta Sig, the professional business fraternity now. dafighkladgoadg I'm so happy inside about it, I keep telling myself I did it. I told myself I couldn't spoil myself with anything until I earn it and I finally did it! Too bad I don't have money to spoil myself, that's a different story.

In addition to all of that, I was still struggling to get over an ugly break up. Two weeks before my high school graduation, I was cheated on (I don't give a fuck if he said we were nothing, he's a damn liar) and still went to prom with the damn bastard. I even wanted to be his friend and everything and we thought we were okay. Nonetheless, he deceived me for my money and my compassion. For some reason, I always blamed myself for everything and as Trang would say, all the bad outweighed the good. How the hell could I be broken for so long over someone that would do all that to me? On the day I participated in Every 15 Minutes, he broke my thousand dollar deck in my car, poured water all over my leather seats, trashed my car, and slammed my door against the car next to it. The next day, he told me he missed me like nothing happened. When I confronted him, he told me it was because I pissed him off, I forgave him and lied to my family about what happened. I was damn stupid. I was broken over someone that did that to me because I thought the good outweighed the bad, it didn't. I thought he was a good person inside.

This past summer, I got back in contact with one of my old friends I'd known since we were in middle school even though we went to different schools. We used to talk a lot back then and I had a crush on him sometime at the beginning of high school, hah. I've been with Clarenz for a little over 4 months now, I know it's not that long but it seems so much longer since we've known each other for a while. For the first time, I'm being taken care of and I don't always have to be the one that takes fault for everything. I don't know exactly what it is and where this is going but I know that I'm happy and things are good even if it's long distance.

That's pretty much the main gist of everything that this blog had he endure this past year. I'd like to say that I've made some great progress with my life :) Looking back, things aren't so bad after all. I feel a bit better inside now.

I don't know who would really read all of that but if any of you did, you're crazy. If you did, thank you :) Treat yourself to some smiles and laughs by watching 50 First Dates again. If you haven't watched it at all, you're missing out on life.

Optimist Award

Jgleit and I got this award during our senior year of high school.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not the most optimistic person out there and for me to receive such an awards is ridiculous. It was definitely an honor for Mr. Shelby to think that I (we) deserved it but it's not very me. With that aside, I've been spending the past year of my life trying to be more optimistic and slowly let go of my pessimism. Nonetheless, I often characterize myself as a realist knowing how too much optimism and pessimism can be harmful. When it comes down to it, I don't take things easy when I'm doubted by my peers. As someone who lacks self-confidence at times, being doubted doesn't help. I mean I have a bad temper I'm trying to work on and a mouth full of profanity but I'm really not that bad of a person.

Have some faith in me.

Not-so-happy December

It's annoying stupid of a start I've given myself to start off this month. At one point, I thought I got better at this but I really need to learn how to control my anger/frustration. I'm still having a tough time moving my fingers.

This is my second fall quarter "dead week" at Cal Poly and it's the second time that a student has passed away. Oh the things that college does to us..

RIP Carson Starsky & Charles Tamae

We honestly haven't had one single recent conversation this week, how annoying. I think I ask for too much.

I think I'm having a dark day.

Today's one of those days where I feel so overwhelmed, fed up, annoyed, unappreciated, and fhjlfdhdydf.

I've been ignoring my mom's calls cause I don't like telling her I don't have money to lend her. It sucks even more knowing that I should have given her the money earlier or put it aside instead of helping and spoiling people, giving so much to others.

At the same time, I still don't think I'm enough. Yet, I know for a fact that I've given and invested a lot.

Apparently the fact that I'm here isn't good enough. THAT hurts. I'm either doing something wrong or not doing something.

Happy December

9 days til 4, 10 days til I'm home, 18 days til Clarenz' 20th Birthday, 25 days til Christmas

I feel stupid for feeling this way but every time this happens, I'm afraid that it's going to turn out the way it did before. That it isn't just a little fight that it might be the last straw like last time.

I feel stupid for carrying around this worried feeling I'm gonna be replaced by something "better" again, I wish I knew why I'm constantly worried about stupid little girls from the past. Okay more like the recent ones..especially since they're nice and pretty and more affectionate. -_-

I'm trying really hard to not be insecure but it's hard knowing that there've been so many before. Let alone, not long before me. I know I'm talking nonsense but dakfbgadg fuck.

On another topic, why the hell do I feel like those annoying ass people that constantly bitch about how lonely they are when they're the one pushing people away? In this case, I'm pretty much referring to how I'm more and more discouraged of the holiday season this year. I have every reason to be happy thanks to the awesome people in my life but I feel a huge empty piece inside that I'd like back.

PMS is never my excuse but is it a coincidence that I'm getting it soon? -_- I sound like such a fucking girl right now.

I'm okay, shut the fuck up and suck it up Tammy.