Tonight's episode doesn't feel as special as it should..
Thanks for ruining my date.

So much questioning. I know I should but I always have this little bit in me that questions people's actions and whether or not it is genuine. Are you just being nice to me but in reality, you're as fake as the last person? I'm beginning to think I give people too much credit sometimes.

Just because I haven't said anything doesn't mean I'm not waiting.

I have my speculations and whatnot but I'm not gonna say anything. I'm gonna proceed and see how it comes along. Yeah, biting my tongue and not let my thoughts take over. Just don't forget about what you told me you'd do.

I've become one of them. I can't believe it but I have. I can't seem to trust anyone's words or actions anymore. In the past, I've been fooled before and I knew I could never let that happen to again. Until it happened, of course. Now, I'm questions anything and everything. Not so much assuming but more hesitant and skeptical. I need you to prove me wrong.

I was a happy, happy camper to find out that you were gonna actually come and it was just a rush of emotions when I saw you.

Then as we were laying in bed waiting to fall asleep, you decided to talk about why it's weird that you're there when you say you like her. How the fuck am I supposed to know? As much as I appreciate it and I really really do, I didn't ask you to come here. It would have been fine until you had to question that, ugh. Why oh why.. I have neeeever, ever asked you to drive here. I never had the right to and the fact that you decided to come see me on impulse was one of the nicest things you've ever done for me. Until you brought her up.

Sigh, sigh, sigh.

When will I stop comparing, analyzing, scrutinizing myself? At this point, I really just wanna stay my bed and sleep until I feel better. Or be at home..

…I hate it when you’re not around,
and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close…
not even a little bit…
not even at all.