we are what we don't see

I was a happy, happy camper to find out that you were gonna actually come and it was just a rush of emotions when I saw you.

Then as we were laying in bed waiting to fall asleep, you decided to talk about why it's weird that you're there when you say you like her. How the fuck am I supposed to know? As much as I appreciate it and I really really do, I didn't ask you to come here. It would have been fine until you had to question that, ugh. Why oh why.. I have neeeever, ever asked you to drive here. I never had the right to and the fact that you decided to come see me on impulse was one of the nicest things you've ever done for me. Until you brought her up.

Sigh, sigh, sigh.

When will I stop comparing, analyzing, scrutinizing myself? At this point, I really just wanna stay my bed and sleep until I feel better. Or be at home..

…I hate it when you’re not around,
and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close…
not even a little bit…
not even at all.