For the first time in a while, I'm afraid to do whatever-the-fuck I want.

Today is another one of those days

I'd like to crawl into a hole and cry.

Lunar New Year/Valentine's Day

Who would've thought Tet and Valentine's Day would be on the same day?

Anyway, growing up my mom has always insisted that we're as happy and positive as we can be on the 1st. Well, I haven't been doing too good a job today. Tuan asked us to watch Landon for a bit while he went to get Vivian and what not. I originally told Clarenz I'd be over by 2 but he wasn't back til 330 and all this other stuff. I got really upset because I hate flaking on people and making them wait on me especially since Clarenz got the weekend off just to hang out with me and we didn't get to yesterday. I'm angry and freaking out over something I have no control over and jhcdhdhdf. I'm dumb and now I feel bad for making Tuan feel like bad for ruining my plans. Hjhdkjdfdjd I need to stop being like this.

I've learned that I have horrible OCD and everything always has to go as planned. I'm so bipolar at being flexible especially when I'm under pressure. I have such a hard time balancing my time between my family, friends and boyfriend sometime. It's a bad habit. I don't know who to please, who to put off, and it's difficult since I have so little time each time I'm home.

Okay, we're finally back 2.5hrs late.

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This week has been good.

I feel a lot better now.

P.S. No more doing nice things for people.

I would like to introduce you to the finer things

February is here and I'm already feeling better.

Today, I finally broke a hundred in bowling class. It's not like I can't because I can but for some reason I can't in class. How lame. So maybe I am still a little bitter and sad. Okay, fine I am. But I'm trying not to mope about it. I'm trying to tell myself that maybe it isn't all my fault. Okay a good half, still.

I'm glad that every time #JD and I reunite it doesn't seem like we haven't seen one another in months. We just picked up from we left off. I miss #JG but I was never able to make time to see her when she was home. She tried calling me a few times but us hanging out never happened. Heroes forever.

My friendship with Angelina is such a hate/love. I wish she didn't forget about our friendship every time she's with or something. I know this for a fact because the only time she called me in the summer was when they broke up for a few hours and she decided to check up on me then. I hope the "balance" key chain I gave you for Christmas reminds you of T&A. If there is one thing that hurts me is when friends forget about their friends when they're in a relationship. I don't care how self-centered I sound because I know I make an effort with my friends when I'm with my friends. I know that because my ex-boyfriend told me I never hung out with him and I just hung out with my friends.

I need to learn that we all grow up and kinda go our own way and it's up to hold our friendship together. Then again, don't friends just happen? You shouldn't have to try so hard. Well, I've come to realize that some things as great as friendships and relationships don't just happen that easily. I don't like preaching, I never have. Cause if I'm able to get all this into words, it'll seem more real for me.

Sometimes I'm sure I take my friends in SLO for granted. Asis is always up for some crazy chat about random ass shit. My littles Hao and Ha take such good care of me that it makes me seem like a horrrrrrible Big, I need to fix that. I've gotten close with Thanh the past few weeks and she's great. Tony, Derek, and all of "busssssineeesss" always give me a good time. Brian and Albert always look for out for me and a night out with these boys are NEVER boring and always memorable. My roomies and I always whine and complain to one another our random shit and hopefully us living together next year works out. I need to see Amy more. Q and Michael alwaysalways invite me over to Cal Parks for dinner, drinking and chillin with them.

I have it so much better than I make it seem, what a shame. Blogging to TSL was effective ♥