The pressures increasing more and more every day. Happiness isn't something that should be forced, it should just happen. And when it happens, I'll be happy. I'm not trying to walk around pretending I'm happy. Been there and done that, it got me here. I don't need someone to force it onto me, if they want to be there then they'll be next to me.
All my life, I've been told what a strong person I was and everything but it doesn't feel like I have much to show for it. It's like.. each time someone reminds me how strong I am, I feel that much weaker.
Yeah, that feeling of never being enough. I hate being one of those girls. I fucking haaaaaaaate it. Not happy enough, not positive enough, not confident enough, not anything enough. Those feelings where no matter how much you try, it is not enough. That's how you make me feel sometimes. That my effort aren't there and I'm not listening. I listen, I really really listen. I've been my tongue and held back from so many slips lately. I don't get annnnny credit for it?! None?!
It's to the point where I feel like I have to go somewhere else to spill myself because I'm afraid to say the wrong things to you. The wrong things that'll upset you or disappoint you or annoy you or make you mad. Half of me knows you're probably never going to read this but at least I'm putting it out here to relieve myself rather than telling you and pissing you off. I also know that people don't read this anymore so I don't necessarily have to put it on private. If you do stumble upon this one day, I guess you'll know what's going through my head. Nothing so much to spite or make you mad, this is just how I feel on the inside right now.
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