I despise myself for feeling this way. Regardless how upset I am or fed up I get, I've ALWAYS been the positive one lately. As much as I'm trying to reassure myself, I think I'm the only one trying so hard right now.

It's like I'm in this alone now.

This is how I feel at this moment: hurt, lost, my throat is sore as ever, the struggle to keep my eyes open, hopeful, my eyes swelling up, headache.

Tammy, everything's going to be okay. You're going to get through this as always.

I'm beginning to wonder if typing out what I have to say will make me feel better. When everything feels like it's going to fall apart, I have to hold myself together. If I don't, I'm going to resent myself for it. It's not a matter of pride or proving something to someone. The fact that I'm making the effort to hold myself together and not refuse to fall completely is a start. Nothing is going to break me, I won't let it. I will never let that happen to me again.